I’ve come to the conclusion that at present my depression is the worst it’s been in a long, long time. I think that there are two things which may be playing a part in this and have made a decision that if within the next two weeks (when these should resolve) I’m feeling no better I will go back to my doctor and talk things over. It’s a tough decision to make but it’s one I needed to make.
I realised that part of the reason I got so down is because I don’t take good care of myself and sometimes in my life because of the person I am it’s as though I don’t matter. I do matter and so I’m also starting to put myself first some more. Unfortunately that means I have to cut a couple of people out of my life. Again, it’s a hard thing to do but it’s something I need to do. I’m going to stop putting as much stock by things that a few others say… these are people who I cannot cut from my life but who sometimes have a negative effect on me.
I’m doing a bit better at taking care of myself; in 18 days I have missed one dose of baclofen (yesterdays) and no doses of fluoxetine. That’s almost a record for me in recent months! In fact it probably IS a record.
But my sleep pattern is hugely, hugely, hugely out of control and to a lesser extent so is my eating. And I cannot get better until I sort my sleeping and again to a lesser extent, my eating. I’ve taken some steps today to fix my eating… sleeping is going to take some work but I’m intending to be in bed at a sensible hour every night this week.