argh,  C-A-B,  General Life Stuff 2006 - 2008,  Uncategorized

>Not only…

>…do I have people (friends and otherwise) in my life who continually insist on sharing what can only be described as Too Much Information in the most spectacular style, my Mother then on hearing about some of the TMI just has to ask a question I was trying hard not to think about which I told her… but now the question is there in my mind and the possibilities as to the answer are swirling round. I’m never actually going to find out the answer because I do not want to know the answer and I know if I did ask I would get excrutiating details and just ick.

And *shudders* I’ve given myself a picture in the process.

I love that I got to have a long gossipy catching up chat with my mum tonight and I love spending time with people… but seriously, can I call an undo and redo? If not on the conversation with all the TMI, on telling my mum about it?

Once again I seriously have CAB on the brain. Because people say things (other things not TMI) without realising exactly what they are saying. I know I can be accused of this at times too but since I’ve been an Adviser I’m more aware of what I say/consequences (for the most part at least), but a few people should really think before they speak more.

In the past few days I’ve had comments made to me about my student loans, about how something I said I couldn’t afford is “only maybe £20-30 a month”, about my medication, about my working situation (by two different people) and it irritates the hell out of me.

At the end of the day, my student loans will still be there years down the line. At the moment I am on benefits and I’m not required to make repayments… should I reach a point where I am working and am in a position to repay I’ll think about how much debt I have etc then.

For the time being I refuse to worry and stress myself any more than I already am when it’s not something I need to do anything about and it’s not something I can do anything about.

And that £20-£30 a month thing, you might think it’s a very very good idea and that it will save me aggro and hassle in the long run. But I just told you I can’t afford it. You might have that £30 each month… I could probably find it but I’d have to give up on other things and well I don’t want to.

My medication. Currently it’s undergoing some changes following a meeting with my doctor yesterday. I remain on the same meds but different (lower) doses and its rereviewed in three weeks. I may be restarting lofepramine instead of fluoxetine, that decision is yet to be made. My medication has worked wonders for me and my biggest related regret with both my fluoxetine and my baclofen is that I fought against them for so long. Maybe for some people the idea of daily medication is unfathomable. But here’s a clue, it works for me. So don’t sit there and tell me that you think my doctors have me on a hell of a lot of meds. Chances are I wouldn’t have survived the last three years without antidepressants and I’d be in a lot more pain without my baclofen.

And my job situation. It is what it is and I’m happy with that. So for fuck sake don’t as two have lately ask me about it and then when I’ve shared my thoughts have the sheer audacity to contradict me and tell me you think I’m wrong. If I feel that for various reasons I’m not in a position to work full time at the moment then I’m not, accept it.

If at all possible think before you speak people – appearances can be deceiving (and I know with me they often are) and any one of those four things could have had devastating consequences.

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