awareness,  General Life Stuff 2006 - 2008,  Uncategorized

>A promise is a promise is a promise [unless I made the promise in which case, don’t count on it]

>Tonight we’ve had news of a broken promise, panic attacks, tears, threats to not go to Madrid, being told to not be so silly, being told “you know what she’s like”, being told “you can do this”, crying that that’s not the point, ultimatums, arguments, a cut finger, an hour up on the water at sailability in an access dingy, a brief family history of some friends of mine, the chance to get reaquainted with someone I used to know, and a mcdonalds.

All since 5pm.

Is reading that enough to make your head spin? Living it certainly had mine going round and round in never ending circles.

But there was no hyperventilating, no spasms [of any sort], no throwing up and no falls.

Isn’t it telling that all of my good stuff there was the lack of medically related nasty things? My counsellor could have a field day with that sentence. Good stuff could have been that I enjoyed talking to Allison, that sailing was great fun or the joy that was the discovery that you can now get a McDonalds value meal with 9 chicken nuggets. But no, I went for the medical stuff.

I am at times crap at keeping promises. But if I knew that someone was really really really counting on me to do something… that my promise to meet them was the only thing that had got them to consider coming to see me… I’d damn well be there to meet them unless there was some major trauma why I couldn’t.

Going to the opticians is not a major trauma that warrents promise breaking in my book. Hmm it feels to me as though a pair of contact lens one the battle of “what’s more important Emma or contact lens?”

I know that this is another instance of the promise breaker not thinking and also of perception kicking me when I’m down… the whole “Emma can cope” when I don’t actually feel like I can thing people keep seeing… my whole appearing to be confident but not actually being confident thing.

Muchos suckage but hey I’m not going to let it hold me down!

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