>Better Things

>My training review thing went better than I expected. I had thought I still had part of my training paperwork and tore my house apart looking for it. Turns out when I gave it to my tutor to check last time she only returned some of it – which I could/did find so that was fine!

Some of our discussion was tough but I was able to deal with it rationally and see more of the truth in what she was saying/how I could deal/should deal with the issues to allow me to grow and learn some more. I can see a world of difference in how I acted/who I was back when I first started and how/who I am now.

My counselling is going well. It surprises me… I am recognising issues now that I didn’t know I had. Oh, I knew but I didn’t KNOW. Hopefully now I can start creeping forwards slowly, slowly, slowly, oh so slowly. Softly, softly catchee monkey as they say. I do feel better for being able to find the strength sit there and say those things to her, to admit them to her and me. I’m not as strong as I seem.

And because I haven’t done this for a while and it’s not over until the fat lady sings… lets end it with a song.

Better Things ~ Dar Williams

Here’s wishing you the bluest sky
and hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme
and the very best of choruses to
follow all the doubt and sadness.
I know that better things are on their way.Here’s hoping all the days ahead
won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you.
Be an optimist instead
and somehow happiness will find you.
Forget about what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on their way.
It’s really good to see you rockin’ out and havin’ fun.
Living like you’ve just begun.
Accept your life and what it brings.
I hope tomorrow you find better things.
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.

Here’s wishing you the bluest sky
and hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme
and the very best of choruses to
follow all the drudge and sadness.
I know that better things are on their way.

I know you got a lot of good things happening up ahead.
The past is gone, it’s all been said.
So here’s to what the future brings.
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.
I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.

No promises, no guarantees, not wanting it, not needing it. I would like it and I hope that at sometime in the distant future it will come. Not tomorrow, but one tomorrow be it weeks, months or years down the line I hope that I find better things… Or rather, that they find me because I think I’ve got to stop looking and start living.

>Blah ~~ Spoons, Sailing, Training

>I counted in my diary and the sailing trip with the JST starts in exactly ten weeks.  Ten weeks today.  I’ll fill out the paperwork tomorrow – I made a start with the basics but they need more information than I can tell them without looking it up and I’m having spoons issues tonight.  But yay!  I’m almost definitely going.

Tomorrow is work, going in earlier than usual to do some training stuff which I don’t think is going to go well :-(.  And then maybe an afternoon nap in an attempt to find a few more spoons… altho that is what I’d planned for today and it didn’t happen!

I hate depression… I hate the way I feel.

EDIT: but, oh wow real emoticons!  I knew my comments did that but who knew my entries did too?!  I lead a sad, sad life that that excites me.

>It’s my party and I’ll scream if I want to…

>…you would scream to if it happened to you!

Scream with joy and happiness I mean!

My great once in a lifetime opportunity I’ve been cryptically referring to has been all but confirmed. There is a very slim chance it won’t happen because there is a limit to the number of wheelchair users who can go at any one time but…

The Rotary Club in this area are sponsoring a place on a Jubilee Sailing Trust voyage. And Pam who runs my sailability group nominated me and one other member. So I wrote 200 words about myself and sent it to them last week as they asked. Ever since I’ve been waiting not so patiently to hear yes or no.

I got a letter today which basically says “thanks for getting back to us so quickly, heres the actual application form from Jubilee Sailing Trust. We don’t anticipate there will be any problems but don’t assume anything until you hear for definite.”

This is what the JST’s website says about their work

The JST owns and operates two tall ships, LORD NELSON, and TENACIOUS. These magnificent ships are the only two vessels in the world that have been purpose-designed and built to enable a crew of mixed physical abilities to sail side by side on equal terms.

>Update: 101 in 1001

>With the visit to the Sealife Centre with Sarah and Adrian (doesn’t that sound like it should be the name of some off the wall tv show?!) on Saturday I got another ticked off my 101 in 1001 list. Bringing my total number of things ticked off up to eight.

The list is linked over on the sidebar and the 8 I have completed are:

5. Clear out my wardrobe
22. Go to Madrid
31. Revisit childhood memories – go to the races at Newbury
34. apply to be a reader-book reviewer for New Woman
59. Visit a sealife centre
66. Take more photos
84. Make a beaded bracelet
92. Treat myself to a bunch of flowers

I think read Pride and Prejudice might be the next one that I tackle but I’m not sure.

>The Spell Checker

>Ever wish that you could just catch a break?

That’s about where I’m at right now. I want out of this down cycle and I want out of it now.

But enough about that… I’m hoping my break is coming. I might have a fabby opportunity coming up and I’m hoping it might catapult me out of the cycle too. I am worrying though that I’m expecting too much of that and that my down cycle might just suck it in and ruin that for me. Never mind, no use worrying yet. Keep those fingers crossed it happens tho!

I noticed as I was typing this that I used a few wrong words… correctly spelt words but the wrong one for the context. And it reminded me of this poem I read ages ago so…

The Spell Checker

I have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss takes I cannot see

I’ve run this poem threw it
I’m shore yaw pleased to no
It’s letter perfect in its weigh
My chequer told me sew…

A cheek or is a blessing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles two reed
And aides me when aye rime

Now spilling does not phase me
It does knot bring a tier
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud

So ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want to please

~Author Unknown

>Walking, exams, family news and degrees, Oh My!

>Last Friday at swimming I swam 20 lengths (500 metres) and walked 4 lengths (100 metres). Today at swimming I swam 24 lengths (600 metres) and walked 6 lengths (150 metres). And another member decided to try walking in the pool too ~ I guess that makes me a trend setter!

I also did one of my best showerchair to wheelchair transfers I’ve ever done, with hardly any help.

I got lots of really heartfelt comments of “well done Emma” and variations of that. And Sheila complimented me on my transfer.

In other news, its been a pretty celebratory day for my family. I did all that good walking. My sister took her last A2 exam. And my brother got the results of his degree.

He got a 2:1 and for his course came 4th in his year (out of 60 students).

My Gran remains in hospital but is hopefully going to be transferred to her local hospital soon from the main one. She doesn’t really need much medical care now but she’s not well enough quite yet to go home.

>Anxious family stuff

>I have some family stuff (sickness) going on at the moment that I don’t feel I want to talk about here right now. And tomorrow is the third anniversary of my Grandad C’s death. All of which grouped together is making me unsettled and anxious.

I don’t like it and I could do without it. But as they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” and as they also say “this too shall pass.”

I’ve been passing time by re-reading old blog entries from the past year or so today. It’s strange to see how far I’ve come in that time and how many “little things” had slipped my mind… it makes me glad, proud even, that I am a blogger.

>Wonderfully Cryptic Guessing Game For You

>Two unexpected things happened today. Things I really, really was not expecting or really with one of them could have imagined.

One of them is to do with CAB and is pretty cool (not so much what it is, more that I was asked to participate). I tried, and failed, to explain to Mum and Soph why I’m so surprised/pleased about that so I’m not even gonna try. I think they were both surprised that I was surprised, KWIM?

The second is really really unbelievable and pretty much a once in a lifetime amazing opportunity. It’s not definite but I have been nominated for it and I’m really hoping it happens. I’m not going to tell you what it is, I thought it might be fun to see what people guess it is.

Clues/hints: A big part of it’s doing something I love to do and the other big part of its also relatively knew to me. Plus it’s also partially a thing that I’ve always said isn’t really my type of thing and have refused to do in recent years when it’s been suggested to me. But the first two bits outweigh that and I still really really hope I get to do it!

Soph/Shi ~ youse two both know what it is so keep it buttoned, ok?!

>Essays, etc.

>I have almost all of my essays and poems etc up on this website now. The design needs a bit of work, some of the links bring up 404s and some pieces are formatted in a really screwy way. But, it’s almost all there!

If you’ve read my previous blogs and/or LiveCP then you’ve almost definitely read them all as none of them are new. However if you do want to read them, they can be found here.

***

I went out for lunch today. And the disabled toilet was in the Gents. I guess we could call that an educational experience!