• Family,  letter unsent,  Uncategorized

    >A final goodbye

    >Dear Gran, One of my carers suggested I do this. She suggested I write it in a card and place it with you as your body takes it’s last journey tomorrow… But I find it easier to type and I think the idea of this easier to deal with and more comforting than a card. I know that you will know this wherever you are… you probably already know what is in my Heart and what I’m going to say and I’ve yet to write it, I don’t really know what I’m going to say to you yet. Tomorrow is your funeral. Oh how I wish it wasn’t! I can…

  • General Life Stuff 2006 - 2008,  Uncategorized

    >Spaghetti and Funerals

    >It’s been one week since Gran died… a long week and one that, in many ways, feels a lot longer than it really is.  Her funeral (oh how typing those words hurt!) is on Tuesday and it is my intention to be away from t’internet for a few days and have some time for me.  I think I need it.  Sometime away form my mind numbing time fillers to do something constructive is probably going to be a very good thing for me at this point in time.  I last deliberately took time to myself in April and it was wonderful… time to do it again me thinks. The funeral…

  • Poetry,  Uncategorized,  writing

    >Poems

    >Two poems that I wanted to share… they have been bringing me some comfort this week. God’s Garden God looked around His gardenAnd found an empty placeHe then looked down upon the earthAnd saw your tired face He put His arms around youAnd lifted you to restGod’s garden must be beautiful,He always takes the best He knew that you were sufferingHe knew you were in pain,He knew that you would neverGet well on earth again. He saw the road was getting roughAnd the hills were hard to climbSo He closed your weary eyelids,And whispered “Peace Be Thine.” It breaks our hearts to lose youBut you didn’t go alone.For part of…

  • General Life Stuff 2006 - 2008,  Uncategorized

    >Good/Bad

    >Good: Definitely going on the JST trip in September Bad: Dependant on medical clearance – shouldn’t be a problem BUT… Good: Easily getting a medical urgent doctors appointment – and one with MY gp Bad: I have an ear infection Good: Meds/cream combination is kicking ear infection ass Bad: Second ear infection this year. Good: Alice checked all my training stuff I did for her and was pleased despite a few mistakes Bad: Finding work stressy and hard to concentrate on Good: lovely colleagues who realise I struggle to get myself a drink at work and bring me a glass of water AND a full jug so I don’t have…

  • Family,  memories,  Poetry,  Uncategorized

    >”Emma Jane is going to Spain”

    >When I was 13 I went on a trip to Spain for a week (or maybe it was five days) with my school. It was in May but we found out that I would be going on the trip around Easter time. Just before then I wrote a poem for my Gran, I think it was about chocolate but I’m not 100% sure. My Gran used to write me letters and they would be addressed to “Dearest Emma” or “Darling Emma”. The day we broke up for the Easter Holidays I got one of those letters from my Gran. Just a brief note…. but with it came a card with…

  • Family,  memories,  Uncategorized

    >Remembering The Pillow Fairy With Lots of Love

    >I have so much I want to write tonight but I am upset and I know I can’t do it justice. In a way my Gran has been gone a long time as the strokes meant that for the last year or so at least she wasn’t who she was if you know what I mean. But she was there, physically, and we could still see her personality inside the body that no longer cooperated with her. And every so often we would get a glimpse of the real Gran and that would be amazing. So there was still the part that could delude myself into thinking that one day,…

  • Family,  memories,  Uncategorized

    >Reunion

    >May 2005. My darling Nanny died and then a week or so later a good friend of my Gran’s died. Nanny and Gran were always quite friendly and Nanny enjoyed going with us occasionally to visit Gran, she wasn’t well enough to go visit Nanny for a long time. I remember being with Gran while my Dad, Uncle, his partner and my Great Aunt went to the friend’s funeral. We were talking and Gran made the comment that all or most of her friends were dead. It was pretty horrible because I just really didn’t know what to say, I don’t think any of us did. June 2003. My Grandad…

  • Family,  Uncategorized

    >Wishing still for one more day…

    >This is the hardest post I have ever had to write in this blog and I would give anything in the world to not be here writing it now. Last time I had to write a post like this my good friend Sarah did it for me. I thought about asking her this time but I want to do this myself. I wish there hadn’t been a last time and I really really wish there wasn’t a “this time” but there is and beating around the bush isn’t helping. It’s not easy and I can’t really bring myself to do it but I guess I just have to… My Gran…

  • CP related,  questions,  Uncategorized

    >Questions…

    >I am working on a longer piece about the “nitty gritty” of CP, getting into it deeper than I ever have in my blogs before. And I am also thinking about editing my “Medical FAQ” (linked on the sidebar). Then I got to thinking about my About Me page and whether I’m happy with that ~~ I am in a spring cleaning mood but I can’t be bothered to declutter my actual house so my virtual one gets a going over instead. So I thought I’d do something a little different. I want everyone who reads this to leave me a comment asking me a question – the one thing…