>Life is good but pain is nasty

>My pain levels have been bad for pretty much my entire body over the last weekend or even slightly longer.  And my bad hip is flaring up and reminding me of its badness at least three times a day if not more often, something which it hasn’t done for probably a year.

I am seeing my GP on Wednesday to confirm whether or not I am still disabled for the benefits agency.  It’s such a waste of time.  Because theres always the possibility that my incurable condition got cured and/or I got better and I just didn’t notice because I was having so much fun in my wheelchair.

Hmm, yeah. Pain makes me a sarky.   As does the lovely, lovely benefits agency.  Put the two together and well…
The good thing about seeing my GP on weds is that I can ask her about possibly switching to the next strength up of co-codamol.  Or something.  I know if I got better about taking it clock round rather than just when I am in pain (or before bed whcih is something I just reintroduced into my routine last week – works to help me sleep) it would probably help BUT the trouble is I generally don’t need it all the time and even when I DO get bad and take it it wears off before I can take the next dose.

Part of me really really misses the days when I was a child and my life was much less medically complicated and I once went to my GP only to realise it was the first time in two years.  Right about now if I can go a week or even two without going to the medical centre I consider it a good thing between the nurse, GP and counsellor.

But, then I don’t miss those less complicated days.

Because, for the most past, I like who I am right now.  I am so much more confident than I was and I am assertive.  My carers treat me much better than I used to get treated (not that the academic support/carers I had at school were bad, just the set up caused issues) and I am better able to express my needs and ensure that my thoughts, my feelings, my needs are what are taken into account and listened too.  I can do a lot more for myself now and am fiercely independant – what has been described as too independant by more than one person.  I am not forced to manage with half arsed access very often and I have control over what is suitable for me and what is not (for the most part).

Not needing to worry about doctors appointments and doses of medication and collecting Rx’s would be nice.  So would not benefits agency hassle and direct payment paperwork.

But then I think back to the days before I had those problems.  To the timid shy little girl who had no control over her life.  Had anxiety attacks nearly every day during the two years of her GCSE’s, and when she did find the courage to complain about how she was treated was told she had misunderstood the situation.  Who was forced to do things by her school that a psychologist later stopped because they were tantamount to emotional abuse.
And I’ll take these problems anyday.  Yes I have problems now.  But the problems I had before were so much worse and I really didn’t like myself then.  Now I do.  And being in pain is a horrible feeling, yet life is good.
So yeah, challenges related to the “practice” of medicine.  I’ll take them, anyday.

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