down,  Losin' It,  sick crip,  Uncategorized

>Kinda Meh and Bitchy

>I feel kinda meh and bitchy today. I’ve been surfing Facebook and thinking everyone else has a better life than me and I’ve been reading blogs and not able to leave comments because most of the ones I want to leave are not the supportive friendly ones but the “welcome to my world, now you know what it’s like” ones. And I could cheerfully have killed someone earlier for moving my chair with the brakes on – when I’d only had them tightened an hour earlier. I just let them do it tho.

My counsellor talks about how I will never not have bad days because they are a normal part of life. But I can’t remember what it’s like to have a down day that’s “normal”. I don’t know how to tell if I’m having an “average” down day and a depression down day. What I do know is that feeling like this makes me want stronger meds, better meds. Kick depression in the ass meds. I don’t think I actually need them tho.

I think when I’m down below 12st in weight I will talk to Dr B about weaning off of baclofen. I am determined to see this year out without missing a single dose of fluoxetine because I know it does me good. But I’ve been on baclofen nearly two and a half years and I have some concerns about it long term as well as not being sure of the level of efficiency/accuracy it still has.

I’ve stopped taking all of my supplements because I want to stop overloading my liver and other systems. But I think I will resume the evening primrose oil when I come back from my tour of the UK (and hopefully Ireland).

Trying to get as much of my stuff I need to do “at some point soon” done before I go away – possibly part of what caused my meh and bitchiness of today, overloading myself a bit.

In good news however I did notice something really great about how I look now I’ve lost weight. Part of me that was hidden by fat is getting to be visible. But that’s all I’m telling you ;o)

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