>I feel great today. I dyed my hair last night with the help of a friend/carer and she also trimmed my fringe so I can see again! It’s a really dark red and it looks GREAT.
Doing that and moving my body last night really improved my mood. I was feeling pretty blah before that but not after. I guess what they say about Endorphins is true.
I’m also one of those people who always feels better with clean hair and who believes she can do anything just so long as she washes her hair first. Obviously dyeing your hair is like the crack cocaine of the do your hair and feel better world.
I also sat outside for a little while reading (Persuasion by Jane Austen) in the evening. It was a nice evening and a good book but a little too chilly for strappy top and shorts.
I also found out a really cool piece of Star Trek Voyager trivia last night but it made me have a fangirl attack so I will save you all my silly squeeing and not share that here.
Finally, I was 14 st 11lb this morning – down 4lb from last week and 11lb in total. Which also means I met my below 15 st goal and my no longer weighing more than my dad goal.
>This week should be interesting. I know it will push me in ways I’ve not been pushed in a long time and it’s likely I will struggle somewhat. But in a strange way as much as I fought against the change, I’m sort of looking forward to it here and now it’s my reality. And knowing that I’m likely to struggle has enabled me to put plans into place to help me if that happens and to try, to a certain extent to prevent it.
I said to my friend Elisa today that I’m doing good at the moment but I’m not sure if I still will be next weekend because this is my first week with only two visits from carers (as I am now funding it myself, I cut it as I can’t afford the previous level).
But then tonight I realise, that no matter what I won’t be doing good like I am now next weekend. Because being ok with the idea of so little support is something I couldn’t have done last year. Another small to me sign of progress made. And regardless of what happens, I’ll be sat here next weekend knowing that I’ve done my best to manage with reduced support.
I won’t have done OK.
I’ll have done great.
No matter what.
Yes there are now great swathes of time with no carers, no people popping in. It is scary. But it’s also sort of freeing.
I still intend to take the matter somewhat further. But for the time being this is just another step on my journey.
>I just messed up the layout of my Books in 2007 page. I will fix it tomorrow – am knackered now and have another book I want to read more of before bed. It’s also not the only computer thing I’ve done wrong in the last few minutes so it’s best left alone in case I make this here blog explode.
>Sometimes I really wonder where my care agency find the people it sends to me.
My sister frequently tells me to hurry up (and occasionally shut up)because I am “wasting her life”. It’s not really a phrase I use but I was tempted to when it came to my new carer tonight.
So somehow the conversation got onto the fact that she prefers to be known as a support worker not carer and that my agency refers to the people receiving care as clients.
Personally I tend to use the term carers, occasionally support workers. I don’t like my carers being referred to as “looking after me” or any similar type things. I look after myself, they just support me with things I find difficult or which I can’t do.
And I’m not a service user, I am client. Don’t really know why I don’t like “service user” but I don’t. I suppose the only good thing about it is that it’s better than “patient”.
So this new carer type woman was wittering on about terms that are used to describe the clients and the carers.
She is a support worker, not a carer. And she has “people who employ her.” not “clients.”
Because whenever anyone talks about “clients” it makes her feel like they think she is some sort of “lady of the night” to use her words.
Didn’t really know what to say to that but oh my god did I wish she’d shut up!!!
>This week the result is no loss, no gain. I actually completely forgot about weighing in because I had to deal with an important phone call the minute I got out of bed. I didn’t remember until I was dressed and had drunk something.
So it’s all holding steady which I like.
>Jacqui tagged me to share eight random things about myself.
1) I’ve volunteered for CAB for almost three years after originally thinking I might stay six months. At the moment I have no plans to leave.
2) I really lack confidence and get quite anxious at times.
3) I am good at starting things but not great at finishing them.
4) I like to cause problems and to shock people. I figure if people are going to stare at me because of my wheelchair I may as well give them something to stare at.
5) Sometimes I really wish that instead of being independent I had learned dependence instead. It can be like being discriminated against for being capable.
6) I’ve finished my counselling which I’m pleased with but I do miss it.
7) I get easily obsessed with really silly things.
8) I talk to myself LOADS.
>I am so ready to discuss in detail so if anyone wants to discuss Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, send me an e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org Please DO NOT leave comments with spoilers in.
I will just say here that going at midnight to get it was soooooo much fun and that I loved the book. The woman is a genius.
My sister accused me of having no life outside of Harry Potter. I don’t care. In fact, I quite like it that way.
Just in case some people are still reading, I will leave writing a longer post about it till next weekend.
“Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass they see face to face; and there converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal.”
More Fruits of Solitude
That is one of the quotes that appears in the facing pages of the newest Harry Potter book. And it’s one that really speaks to me. Reading it I felt like it was there for me to read specifically, that I needed to read it and remind myself of it’s meaning.
Particularly this weekend.
It works for more than just friends, it works for family too. And it is for family that I share it here.
It’s a year (today) since my Gran left us. She left us in body alone, she’s still here with us in many other ways. As long as we remember the love and the laughter, the bad times too. As long as we remember HER.
I love you Gran.
>I’m getting picked up in 3/4 of an hour to go to Tesco and get my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I’ve re-read the previous six, finished Half Blood Prince at twenty past ten this evening.
I’m shaking, excited, can’t really believe it.
And yes, I do know it’s only a book.
Biggest question of the moment is do I stay up and read it or do I start it then get some sleep?!
>In a little over 24 hours I might have my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in my hot little hands. I’m pretty much definitely not going at midnight now but who knows?!
It’s all rather exciting.
So this is what I think will happen:
Pettigrew is toast. Harry will have some link to that due to the wizards debt between the two.
All of the Weasley’s will survive. There’s been a lot of talk on fansites that with the sheer number of them, odds are at least one must die. Personally I think that’s too obvious and so JKR won’t have used that twist
If a Weasley will die, it won’t be Ron. I’ve got a feeling JKR already stated that sometime ago. Something to do with it being cliche for the sidekick to bite it.
The last word of the book will not be scar.
Snape will turn out to actually be on Harry’s side and will be instrumental in helping him.
Nothing important will happen on Hallowe’en or if it does it won’t be the major turning point in the book.
Harry’s going to die. As a writer it makes sense for JKR to do that otherwise she will never get full closure on the series.
One of the Horcruxes is hidden in the room of requirement.
RAB is Regulus Black.
The giant chess set will make another appearance