>I went.  I survived.  And I got a completely accurate weight.  Which wasn’t as high as I expected.  And if it all goes well this week with my red days and green days and free foods and healthy extras and A’s and B’s and Syns and all that (my head is spinning!)  I’m pretty sure I should not see that particulary weight again.  Or even the same first number.

My head hurts.

>Last Meal… of the condemned woman*

>The secret is officially out.

I’m off to Slimming World in about ten minutes.

Anything could happen in the next half an hour…**

*I considered titling this post “Eat Drink and Be Merry for tomorrow we Die(t)” but as I had pizza for lunch and all I could think was “This is the last meal of the condemned woman” i figured that worked better for a title.

**bonus points if you can tell me where that quote comes from.

>23 hours

>I signed a confidentiality agreement when I first started at CAB.  And that I can cope with fine.

I’m usually good with other people’s secrets (although it does help if I know that it’s supposed to be a secret).

Really not good at keeping my own secrets.  I frequently think “oh I’ll keep that possibility/opportunity/news/whatever secret for a while until I know more”  and invariable that lasts a few hours, maybe an afternoon.  Then I’m on the phone telling people.

Last night I was discussing something with some friends and we reached a potential agreement over something (which will be decided for definite in a little bit).  They both know my dad and I was like “hey if you see him, don’t say anything I think I want to keep this quite for a while.”  That was at 6 last night.  They figured I’d last about a week before saying and I agreed with them

Got home an hour later just before seven and I was soooo tempted to just pick up the phone and call my mum and spill the beans.  I didn’t.

And I still haven’t told her.  But only because she couldn’t come to the phone when I rang.

23 hours and counting.  I think that might be a new record.

>I appear to be developing a cold.  Seems that my carer does know how to share after all…  Thanks and all that, it was nice of you to think of me.  But next time, keep it to yourself.  Please.

>Few Announcements, mostly of the link persuasion

>This is my 610th entry on this blog!

The next Disability Blog Carnival will be hosted by Stacey AKA Miss Crip Chick. She’s given the theme Disability Culture and Identity and has posted a great list of ideas and prompts. Thats on Thurs 8th with submissions due on/by Mon 4th.

BADD (Blogging Against Disablism Day) is back for it’s third go round on this Thursday, 1st May. As usual, the wonderful Goldfish is hosting. I can’t wait to take part although whether I will manage to actually post on Thursday is currently questionable.

Naidex starts tomorrow. I’m going on Thursday.

Dave is starting an online book club with books of a disability theme/culture. The first one looks great and will be discussed on Thurs 22nd May (another day when I might not be online, damn it). It’s called A Thread of Grace

>Nineteen Eighty-Four

>I’ve spent most of this weekend reading – I read Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell.

Amazing book.  Not always easy to read (because of the topics and themes it has in places) but amazing nonetheless.

From the beginning I thought the end was obvious.  I was wrong.  It didn’t end in the cliched and obvious way I thought it would.  And then after a while I began to think it would end in a different way.  I was wrong about that too.  The end snuck up on me and was completely different to anything I expected it to be.  And the last line in the book?  Scary as hell if you take the time to think about it, but probably one of the most powerful in the whole book.  If not the most powerful.

Something not touched on in the books is the idea of disability (or even ill health) – it was in no way relevant to the plot or any of the main characters in the book.  But by the time I went to bed last night a little more than half way through the book – I was hoping it would come up.  Because I was really wondering what Big Brother and “The Party” would think about disability.

>I am a people person, not a people wheelchair.

>I can stop blogging; I could never actually manage without somewhere to rant, to vent, to share my dissatisfaction with the world and to generally just let it all go.

Oh and to share the good things too 😉

And, finally.  I am a wheelchair user.  I am not now, nor have I ever been, or will I ever be, a “wheelchair“.

This means that it is acceptable to say to me “you’re the last person we’ve got to help who uses a wheelchair.”

It also means that it is must assuredly not acceptable to say to me “you’re the last wheelchair.”

Someone actually said that to me earlier.  And really did not react at all well when I pointed out that I’m a person, not a wheelchair.  I think the point must have hit home but it was rather annoying.  Childish too.

I do, however, have to give huge props to the other person who was there during that conversation who understood why not to say that.  And who took the time when the other person went off to say “that must be really annoying for you” and to let me rant and to agree when I wondered how someone who works in the disability field and has done awareness training can say such things.

>Crimes

>James Hughes.

22 year old PWD, he had a mental age of 18 months.  Or so reports the news stories.  James and his mother went missing on Friday.  Her body was found earlier this week and his body was found yesterday.  Two men have been arrested on suspicion of murdering James.

It’s a news headline on Yahoo! this morning.  And they were reporting it on our local radio news bulletins this morning too.  I haven’t seen any of the papers yet today.  I’m glad (that’s the wrong word but it’s all I can think of) that if such a tradegy had to occur at least it seems to be getting some coverage.  But obviously, it sickens me that crimes such as these occur.

Here’s one of the many online stories I have read (from Yahoo!):

A body discovered on Wednesday is that of a missing disabled man whose mother was found hanged earlier this week.

West Mercia Police said officers would need to study dental records in order to formally identify the remains of James Hughes.

A man and a youth arrested on suspicion of murder late on Wednesday remain in custody at Redditch and Kidderminster police stations. The suspects’ ages have not been released and officers have also refused to say whether they were known to James.

A spokesman for the force said it was believed that the body, found at the family home in Redditch, Worcestershire, was that of the 22-year-old.

James and his mother, Heather Wardle, were reported missing last Saturday, a day after the 39-year-old mother-of-four left home, saying she was going to visit a friend.

Formal identification of James’ body is expected to take some time, the police spokesman added.

Superintendent Jane Horwood added: “The post-mortem should give us more information about how and when James died.

“What started out as a missing persons inquiry has tragically become an investigation into two deaths.

“While we never gave up hope of finding both Heather and James alive, we were extremely concerned about both of them right from the start, and our fears for James obviously increased after the discovery of his mother’s body.

“This is without doubt one of the saddest cases West Mercia Constabulary has dealt with and the events of the last few days have left residents of Church Hill and the wider Redditch community shocked.”#

I will be following the developments here closely.

>I’m Sorry

>As a blogger I try not to write things in my blog which people I actually know would prefer not to be public knowledge.  And I also try not to include too much detail which may identify the people I talk about on here.  I hope not to upset people by writing things which are incorrect or otherwise may be inappropriate.

I try, I don’t always succeed.

Equally, I believe that it’s important that I am honest and open here.  So I don’t censor too much other than as I described above.

Sometimes doing stuff like that comes back and bites you on the bum.  And I’ve been thinking a lot about should I write about so and so and such stuff this evening.

I deleted my previous post at my mums request following a heated discussion.  It’s the first time I have ever  deleted a post at someone else’s asking.

It may well have been inappropriate for me to post that here.  And I upset a few people for which I am sorry.  All I can say in my defense was that I was under the impression that everyone involved had already been told and that I tried not to identify anyone.  Had I been aware that I was actually one of the first to be told I would never have written it.

I’m sorry.  I can’t say any more.

I think I might be going to take a bloggy break for a few days and consider the future of this blog.