>Letters Unsent

>Dear Starbucks,

If you must have stupid banner things outside your shops then you must (but only if you really, really must). I suppose that was kinda ok. But for the love of god either leave them to wave around properly in the wind or weigh them down properly. You know, doing it so that the god damn weight doesn’t get caught by the wind. In fact, do it so there is no chance in hell of that happening would be your best bet.

Because when those banner things get caught by the wind and then sent by the wind in your wheels and the weighted part hits you in the thigh? That hurts like a bitch. And continues to do so for eight (and counting) hours afterwards.  Gives a lovely black look to the thigh too.  Sexy, that.

It’s not exactly rocket science people!!

No love,


Dear CP,

I know that it times of stress, cold, or pain you like to spasm. And that you like to do so when it comes to things that surprise me and make me jump too. Most of the time, I understand that, we’re cool.

But if I ever have a freak accident with a starbucks banner again (or, indeed, any banner). Give me a break from the whole spasm/clonus/extension thing, please? Making my arm spasm onto my joystick just made things worse.

I understand your need to make me spasm, I really do. But come on, CP, there’s a time and a place for these things. And that just really wasn’t it

lil bit of love,


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