argh,  CP related,  Uncategorized

>Fallin’

>I had a pretty spectacular fall about an hour ago. Definitely the only full on fall I’ve had this year I’ve lost my balance transfering and ended up not quite sat properly a few times and I’ve also ended up standing then losing my balance and ending up back in my chair without meaning too a few times. Those count but don’t count because I have caught myself on furniture or door frames or whatever.

Today I well and truly lost my balance and went. I’m not really hurt but I’m sore and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be black.

It’s probably not the worst fall I’ve ever had; I’ve had worse thats for sure. But I managed to pull my Dad over with me (I was walking holding his arm) and I ended up half on the step, half off, on my back with my Dad on top of me. He caught himself though so he didn’t actually land on me. So it’s pretty scary.

And there’s lots of emotional and mental things that go along with it that have to do with the fact I scared my Dad by falling and he yelled “oh bloody hell” a few times as I was going and scared me and I thought he was mad with me and I was just crying and saying I couldn’t help it. And it’s all stupid and basically fine but it’s tough because as much as he stood there and kept saying that he wasn’t yelling at me I couldn’t handle that conversation then and it made me cry more. It doesn’t help that I’ve pushed myself a lot mentally and emotionally this week and although I’m slowly clawing it back today, I am a little low on mental spoons and maybe fragile.

I know I scared him and he scared me and there was no blame or whatever. And he wasn’t yelling at me. I know that. Rationally. But right now I need to regain my equilibrium. Hopefully when I see him tomorrow we can chalk it up to the “straw that broke the camels back.”

I haven’t actually looked to see if I am bruised (based on what I did and how I feel I fear I must be) and physically I’m pretty much fine. But I’m shaky and tired and…

Falls suck.

ETA: you know how I said I assumed I was bruised and how I landed half on the step, half off?  I got one really narrow line of a bruise going alll the way across my bum right where I hit the edge of the step sort of like i’d been lashed… i’m really stylin’!

And with more time to consider things, it all just comes back down to how people react.  If people are calm and all when I go flying like that I can stay calm but if they make a fuss I tend to freak… sort of like a child.  Of course, pain in this case probably would have meant tears regardless BUT it’s an interesting point.

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