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>The Month After Christmas

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Sadly in my case most of this was true way before Christmas but because I needed a laugh…

The Month After Christmas

(Author Unknown)

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house  
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. 
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste 
At the holiday parties, had gone to my waist. 
When I got on the scales there arose such a number! 
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). 
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared; 
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, 
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese 
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.” 
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt 
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt— 
I said to myself, as I only can 
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So–away with the last of the sour cream dip, 
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip 
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 
“Till all the additional ounces have vanished. 
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick. 
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick. 
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, 
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. 
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore— 
But isn’t that what January is for? 
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. 
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

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