>pain

>

I've been mostly knitting squares this week, although I did make a bit of a bookmark from some spare yarn (not a knitted one, just knotted together) on Wednesday.  I've made it a bit too wide to go into a book I think though.  Or, well, not wide but chunky might be the better word.

Yesterday I had a terrible migraine with visual disturbance and throwing up and oh my god my head is going to explode pain.  Fun times.  Thankfully I get those incredibly rarely.  I think actually it's the worst I've had, I certainly don't remember having blurred vision with one before.  

I had thought it would mean that thing a day would have to go out the window.  But at one point to distract myself I was thinking of all the different words that as a writer I could use to describe having a migraine (because as a writer one should use ones experiences to grow and learn and hone one's craft.  or some such rubbish).  And then a bit later on I had an hour or so when I was up.  Mainly to get a drink and get actually changed for bed not just collapsed in my clothes and what have you.  And I managed to quickly turn those words into a sort of poem.

"Sort of" poems being the only sort that I ever usually write, after all.

Pressure Pulsating Persistantly
Agony Always Agony
Intense Insipid Invasion
Nausea Needs Negation

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>101 in 1001 – Item 52…

>

read Catch-22

…has been completed!

This one was on the list because it’s a book that I read part of many, many years ago on a train back to uni (and given that I graduated almost six years ago, you know how long ago that was) and it’s sat there ever since to be re-read and finished at some undisclosed point “in the future.”  Plus, I love to read and so I like to put some reading ones on my 101 in 1001 lists because they are “easy” for me in some ways.  I have one very long book to read left on this list (War and Peace which I started a while ago is seems quite good) and one other book related goal uncompleted I think.

I quite liked Catch 22.  It’s a good book but in a way it’s quite hard to understand.  I tried to explain to my mum what it’s about (as the back has reviews and not a synopsis) and totally failed.  All I managed to do was confuse her with my attempts at explaining what Catch 22 is and therefore what the book is about.

From Wikipedia:

Catch-22, coined by Joseph Heller in his novel Catch-22, is a logical paradox wherein an individual finds him or herself in need of something which can only be had by not being in need of it. It is often spoken in regards to rules, regulations, procedures, or situations in which one has knowledge of being or becoming a victim but has no control over it occurring.

It’s a bit of a dystopian book in my opinion and I’ve really got a thing for dystopias over the last year or two.  I enjoyed it although it did leave me wondering a bit just exactly what had happened in the book – I found it a bit confusing in many places/  And as is often the sign of a very good book – it left me wanting more, wanting to know what happened next to the main character.

It was a good read although it took me over a week as I kept only having time for 50 or so pages at a time and sometimes not even that.  When I put my jacket potatoes in to cook today I wrapped myself up in a blanket, sat in the lounge and picked it up and then read until I finished it – over an hour of uninterrupted reading which was lovely.  Haven’t managed much of that lately although I did spend a goodly chunk of Monday morning under my duvet reading when the snow stopped me going to the bureau.  Must find more time for reading.

>it’s hip to be square

>

Saturday, Sunday and Monday saw more squares being made.  Knitted squares, these are.  Stockinette, 16 rows, 11 stitches per row.  In fact I made nine I think over the three days.  I have seventeen or maybe it’s eighteen done now.  They look great and it’s really nice to see the pile of them growing.  The colours all go well together too which is great because I’d thought they probably would but had been a little concerned that maybe they wouldn’t after all.  They’re really quick to do as well, usually whilst watching TV!

If I can I’d like to have at least 28 done by the end of the month.  But we shall see.  I do think that these squares are the reason why I’ve been able to keep going so long this time round with thing a day as I’ve not had to think too hard for inspiration and ideas for things to do.  My original plan had been to do different stitch patterns for the squares but this yarn I’m using is self stripping and now I’m working with it, I really think it needs a very plan stitch to work.  Anything more fancy would stretch my skills as a knitter and teach me new things as I had wanted to do this month but those fancy and decorative stitches would just get lost in the yarn I think.  So something which shows off the yarn works better.

Today I attempted to make a purple beaded bracelet.  It looked great.  And then I cut the elastic, tied it off and went to trim the ends of the knot.  And cut through the knot – beads everywhere and my lovely purple beaded bracelet was no more.  Hopefully I can find most of the beads and put it back together later.  If not it’ll just have to be another square!  What a shame…

>Practically three quarters of the way through!

>

I seem to be behind with this thing a day thing again – or at least with the writing of the blog entries about it!  I'm doing pretty well with the actual doing of the things as it seems.  Apart from getting into a blind panic yesterday when I was going through going "on Wednesday I did this and yesterday I did that but what did I do on thursday?!" and panicking until I realised that the day before was Thursday.

So the three things I have to blog about are two more squares for my was going to be a blanket but I'm now thinking some kind of huge cushion is more likely with the amount of yarn I have and also more useful as I already have a knitted blanket, another on my needles (although that's been on there so long that it may get frogged and restarted for a fourth time!  I'm thinking it wants to me a more interesting sort of blanket than it is at the moment.  Two years I've been picking it up, putting it down, frogging it and starting again) and three not knitted blankets.  Being that I am just one cripple who lives alone, that's a few two many blankets really.

The third thing is the one i did on Wednesday – another poem.  It's a very quick one as I was thinking I was heading out the door very soon (although that actually got cancelled) and I'm not going to post it online.  Not because of the quickness of it, I've always posted stuff whether it was quickly done and unedited or I've slaved over it when I've felt it was done and I'm not going to do much more with it but… Wednesday was a bit of a good but in ways bad day and that poem has turned into a bit of a coping thing and expresses my feelings.  Partially about someone who upset me and although I don't mention them by name or any of the details about what happened it's not something I'd want to share online.  I've been there, done that too many times with the drama of posting something I think is innoculous online and then had it come back to bite me.  So I'm not taking that risk.

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>Poem of a sort

>

Living – In So Many Different Ways

Trying, failing
wishing, hoping
trying, succeeding
wishing, achieving.

Doing, saying
Wanting, being
living, loving
having, needing

eating, drinking
sitting, thinking
talking, watching
listening, helping

travelling, going
coming, leaving
arriving, analysing,
learning, teaching

writing, reading
knitting, advising
swimming, sailing
moving, stopping

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>Catching up, yet again

>

It seems like every time I come here I have several days of things I catch up on.  So here goes. I'd promise to make more of an effort to remain up to date but I think we all know that's unlikely 😉

On Friday I did a couple more squares for my probably going to be a very small blanket.  Really liking how the colours are coming out in those yarns (think I've said that every time I've mentioned the squares!).

Saturday I spent the afternoon with my sister and we did some baking – well, mostly she baked and I did bits to help, weighing some of the stuff, a touch of mixing.  Bread, flap jacks and Granny Boyd's biscuits – a chocolate biscuit recipe form a Nigella cook book.  Those biscuits are yummy, I finished off my ones of those after lunch today.

Yesterday I created reminders of my weightloss goals and what I'm trying to do.  Mostly post its with a few inspirational quotes on dotted about the flat but also I did an image for my computer too.  That one says "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

I also tried to create some smiles by sending messages to a few online friends who I rarely speak to but who are having a tough time right now.

I do kind of feel like I was reaching a little by considering yesterdays things as things if you know what I mean.  but mostly I was pleased with them,

Today I've written another poem.  Really glad I'm back writing semi regularly again.

This is called Another Pointless Poem

Always planning that today I will write
Not getting round to it
Often enough
Then loving it when I do
Here I sit with the urge to write
Even though I feel I have nothing to say
Regrets aren't worth it, so I write anyway

Perhaps something will come from this
Or perhaps it will just be words on a screen
In either case
Nothing is worse then a writer not writing
That being a sin I commit too often
Let tonight be the night I get back into it
Emma is a writer who writes again
So here I sit
Spewing out words

Pointless perhaps
Ordinary not Original
Ending all to soon
My poem, all the same.

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>Still here! Several Days of Things…

>

I'm still doing this!  Which means I've definitely made it further than I did last year.  And I can't remember how far I made it the year before to comment on that, I think I was still in at this point as I'm pretty sure that last year I quit much sooner than the year before.  Anyway I haven't updated here since Sunday I think so just quickly and in bullet point form

On Monday I made a bit of a friendship bracelet with some cross stitch threads in various shades of green.  Basically their just grouped together and knotted.  It was very simple and low effort.  It felt like a bit of a cop out but it was all I had inspiration and motivation to do.  I do have a hell of a lot of Cross Stitch threads cluttering up my craft stuff though so it was good to use them up.

Tuesday I made Roast Chicken!  I put new potatoes, garlic and mushrooms in the bottom of the tray and chucked the chicken on top.  That's such a yummy dinner, I'd actually forgotten just how nice it is and how much I like it.  The idea of it always feels like such a lot of work and puts me off but really with new potatoes and garlic granules, the only thing that needs prepping is the mushrooms (and even then I could probably use frozen sliced ones but I'm not convinced they'd work too well).  Plus, leftover chicken for sandwiches the next day or with jacket potatoes for dinner.  I should really start trying to do that every couple of weeks or so.  I was very pleased with that.  I also did half (or thereabouts) of a square of my blanket.

Yesterday I made a keyring (although it's yet to be on my keys) as my keyring fell off my keys ages ago so they've been very boring with nothing on them.  Which clearly wouldn't do.  I used cross stitch threads again, five or six different colours I think – Reds, Yellows and Oranges (I think it was two reds, three yellows and one orange).  Those are wrapped around each other in a sort of braid.  Like how I imagine ropes are made.  It's really pretty,  I have GOT to sort out photos.

Today I finished off the square I started on Tuesday and made another complete one.  I think I've made five in total now, all made in February.  I really do want that to be a bit of an ongoing project for this month.  Tomorrow I want to watch The Sound of Music on DVD and plan to make some more whilst doing that.
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>Wow

>For about the past year (I think it’s actually 10 months give or take), I’ve been seeing the nurse every month or six weeks or thereabouts to chat about how things are.  More specifically it’s meant to be to discuss my weight but it’s proved a useful thing in terms of keeping tabs on my depression and has also allowed me to easily fit in some “Emma maintenance” at the same time.  Flu jab, blood test, swine flu jab etc.  Should probably get my blood pressure checked next time.

Not the last time I went but the time before (October I think, it may have been  just November though) she measured my waist.  Which was 147 cm.  Or to put it in other terms, really fucking huge.

Today she measured it again for me.  And it was 131cm.

She also commented that I’ve got a definite waist now.  Yay!

I do need to work on my maths skills though.  I said about four times right after that “that’s 4 inches” in a shocked voice. Um, no Emma.  No it’s not.  it’s 6 inches and a bit.

Most best thing about it though?  I text my sister and told her – and she text back that was 1 cm longer than a small ruler.  Wow.  Talk about perspective.

>A Bordering on TMI Update Type Post

>Being that it’s over a week since I wrote a “proper” catch up type blog entry I thought I better see what I could do about that right now.  This entry contains items which fall under the category of TMI – you have been warned!

The goals I wrote about a few weeks ago are… OK but kinda stalled.  My TV license is renewed, I’ve e-mailed or called or spoken to on facebook chat most of my friends I wanted to catch up with but not all.  I have looked briefly into changing my ISP but need to do more for that really.  I haven’t even started my shawl I want to knit.  And the no coke and no chocolate thing went really well. /sarcasm. I gave it up Sunday afternoon and was back on it Tuesday lunch time.  Yeah.  Need to work on that one a bit harder!  Although I am pleased that the Monday was a terrible day and I was really upset about something that happened and I felt ill from the lack of my treats but I still stayed strong.  Working on my emotional therefore I eat link is probably more important.

I went to the doctors last Tuesday to get my prescription renewed.  It was actually only my fluoxetine that needed doing but she’s done both.  My baclofen dose is now written differently so I get more each time I get a script and I can take it up to four times a day instead of the twice I was taking it.  I need to read up on that a little because I’ve got a feeling it works on building up to get the full effect so taking an extra here and there on bad days may not be the best way to do things.  Anyway I’ve been taking three a day since then.

There was some discussion when I last went that I might have polycystic ovaries.  Which is a wonderful condition which little is known about I believe.  I am assuming she means PCOS but since then I’ve done some reading which suggests it’s possible to have the syndrome without the cysts or the cysts without the syndrome.  Basically I’ve been skipping periods and then having really long heavy ones and then getting another period really soon (too soon) after the last one and lather, rinse, repeat, basically.

For example I had a period mid October.  Didn’t get one again until 1st Jan which lasted until the 14th and then got it again on the 31st. That lasted my usual five days only which I was relieved about.  I must admit that I was beginning to get concerned that I could end up anaemic.  And yes, I do know that this is TMI for a lot of people but 1) I believe in sharing because it could help others (or me) and 2) I find it useful to have this noted down for my records.

Anyway she said the hormone levels I had done in August weren’t particularly worrying (she used a different phrasing but that’s what she meant) – I was concerned about their validity as I got a period two days after they were drawn but she didn’t seem concerned about that.  There was some discussion about ways that we could treat it (i.e. regulate my hormones) which would be difficult as I can’t take the pill – if you took a list of possible side effects and contraindications of the pill you could cross out contraindications and retitle it “reasons Emma can’t take the pill” I have that many of the contraindications.

The suggestion was Noreisterone for so many days between certain days in my cycle each month to make me bleed.  But in my situation she prefers a wait and see approach and to see if my losing any weight makes a difference in the situation as she thinks my weight is probably what’s caused the polycystic ovaries.  That makes sense to me as it treats the probable underlying cause as opposed to just the symptoms (screwy periods mostly).

So I’m to see the nurse again on Tuesday to chat about my weight progress (I set that up before I saw the dr) and then I’m going to be getting on with this with a vengeance again.  My Dr did comment that I look a lot better than the last time she saw me and also that I look slimmer too. She also commented that I’m sitting better in my wheelchair which is interesting. Plus on the same day my sister commented that my tummy looked smaller.  Progress!

I’ve played on my Wii everyday apart from one since I got it – I use it for exercise and I really think that’s got a lot to do with my current success.  I do wish that I had my scales back already though – so frustrated that they broke and I’ve not heard from them (returned for repair or replacement due to the warranty).  But it’s not been long enough really to chase it yet.

The games I have are Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, Just Dance and Samba de Amigo.  I play the Sports Resort and Just Dance the most really and Samba de Amigo is probably the one I play the least.  That’s hard. It kills my arms.  Fun though.

I’m going to be doing some accessibility and/or disability awareness type work with my housing association it seems.  In fact I met with my housing officer on Friday and we spent half an hour walking around the estate I live on so I could show her areas where access isn’t great.  I think the fact I nearly came out of my chair going down a slope at one point (a part I don’t go to usually) really highlighted the fact that a better ramp is needed there!  Plus she asked about things I hadn’t considered too.  There are two more things I’ve been asked if I’ll do (but not arranged) and a few more possibilities so that’s good.  I won’t go into how that came about because it’s not all resolved but I’ll just say that it seems like good things come to those who complain!

I think that’s probably about it for now

>Thing A Day 2010 Day Seven: Squares

>

I've knitted more squares for my undecided knitting project.  Might turn into a blanket if there are enough when I've used up the yarn. Or I'll turn it into something else. Cushion perhaps.  Well, I say more squares but so far today I've knitted 1 and almost all of a second whilst watching Torchwood on DVD.  I think I'm going to stick it back on in a bit so I'll finish the one that's on my needles at least.

I think I'll wait till I've done some in different colours before I post pictures.  So far I've just used one of the colourways.  It's really interesting because it's a patterned/self stripping yarn and each of the three are from the same ball of yarn but very different!  I love it.  It's really interesting watching how it comes out as I knit.

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