>Almost… but not quite

>I almost managed to keep my for one week only promise and replace that 2 stone gone badge with the 30lb badge… but not quite.  I needed to lose one pound for that to happen.  And I lost three quarters of a pound.  Which I’m still really really happy about.  Next week I hope to switch over the badges in my sidebar but we’ll all (including me) have to wait and see.  My mum said that I did especially well because I ate a lot of sausages when we had hot dogs and jacket potatoes on Bonfire Night (and leftovers the next day).  Personally I didn’t think I ate that many and anyway as I keep trying to tell her I think the odd meal here and there doesn’t matter.  I need to still have what I like and treats because this has to be for life.  I just need to do it in moderation.

The obvious exception to that is the coke and chocolate which I’ve now not had for six months and 9 days (today is the 9th, right?).  I realise that’s different to what I’ve been preaching here but I had real physical addictions to them and I’d tried making them occasional but couldn’t do it.  If I didn’t drink coke for a day or didn’t have enough coke I’d get major headaches – as soon as I got a headache I’d think “I need to drink some coke to clear that up” (and still now six months later when I get headachy a little voice in the back of my head goes “not enough caffeine?” even though I know damn well that I’m not longer physically hooked on coke and I don’t drink tea or coffee so it definitely can’t be!). And if I didn’t eat chocolate I’d get ratty and stressy.

I’ve known for a long time that I had an addiction to those foods and I have no problem saying that.  But suddenly last night it occurred to me that it makes me a food addict.  And I don’t know why but that’s a whole different ball game to me.  Particularly reading Cheryl’s post this morning.  I need to work on that.  First however I need to think about it some more and become ok with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come a long way and I know I have.  I’ve beaten those addictions and I don’t binge eat any more (or at least not like I used to and I don’t remember the last time I did a full blown binge).  I’m really proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved.  I’m just realising how much further I’ve got to go.

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