100 days of writing,  2012,  disability,  down,  friends,  pain,  Poetry,  Uncategorized

>I Should Be

>Day 14 of 100!

A bit of bad news and very high pain levels led to an accidental 3 hour nap and my not being my usual self.

I Should Be

I should be

I should be writing
I should be sleeping
I should be doing the washing.
I should be doing my physio.
I should be sending emails
Exercising, knitting or reading a book.

There are many things
I should be doing
But I’m not

I’m sat here
Back hurts
Spasming muscles
And spasticity
In my legs
Like you
Wouldn’t believe

Bad news hits
My mood is
Sad.

But meds mean
I’m not in bits
Without them
I’d really be that
Bad.

My body hurts
One way
My mind
Another

Both conspire
To stop me
In my tracks

Suddenly both
Motivation
And
Ability
I lack

So yes
I should be bettering myself
I should be going to the bank
I should be visiting friends
I should be productive
I should be hundreds of things
And right now I’m not.

My conditions
Are permanent
Today is bad

Tomorrow may
Be good
Not should
Just could

No guarantees
And not choice for me

The list is
Ignored
It’ll wait till
Then

I focus on
One
I should be

LIVING

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