…you go to a wedding and the story that you just have to blog isn’t about how gorgeous the bride looked (very) or how much you liked her dress (a lot) or how cool the homemade bunting the decorated the hall with was (so cool). It’s about the disabled loo.
Because it screamed “you know you’ve got CP when…” and cracked you up.
My sister and I went to a wedding party on Saturday night. It was a friend of ours who got married and I’d not seen her for over a year during which time she’s had a baby. So it was lovely to see her and meet her daughter (and her new husband although I didn’t get to speak to him). I didn’t really know anyone apart from my sister and the bride – the other two or three people I knew there I’d only met briefly before. But I had a great time, laughed lots and really enjoyed myself.
We danced to some really cheesy old school songs and taught two random men (never figured out who they were) to do the macarena.
My sister, me and one of her friends came to the conclusion that the top I wore is clearly part of some giants tankini. Because I asked them what it was made of. I’ve got no idea. But the material feels like that of a swim suit. It is a nice top and that makes it sound weird but it just does feel like that. Clearly a tankini top for a giant is the only explanation.
I think somebody there might have been one of my support types at school when I was a very young child. I looked at her a couple of times and a particular name kept coming to mind but I didn’t have the nerve to go over and ask if she was who I thought she was. I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I would like to be more confident again though.
I’d not been to that venue before and tried to find out before we went about disabled access etc. One person told me they didn’t know. Another said I’d be able to get in there but she didn’t think they had a disabled loo. And a third who is someone who would know what I need and I trust (but who I hadn’t anticipated would know the venue or I’d have asked first) said it did. So I was a bit concerned about what if I needed a wee but we made a plan that I’d go and not stay long if it came down to it. The bride knew that might happen and I watched what I drank before so I wouldn’t immediately arrive then be bursting for what might be a non existant disabled loo.
Arriving and seeing there was one and a proper one at that was good because it meant I could leave when I wanted to (or my sister as she was driving, whichever came first) and not when my very finnicky bladder decided I needed too.
So, after a while I thought it best to use the facilities. And we discovered the light in there didn’t work. The wedding was in a village where there aren’t any street lights. So it was dark.
Not pitch black, but very dark nonetheless.
A random lady walked up and asked what the problem was: “couldn’t I get in there?” When we explained she loaned us a torch.
So you’ve got me. In a very dark disabled loo. Trying to have a wee. While my sister holds a torch giving us a slither of light.
And giggling our heads off.
Because you really know you’ve got CP when going to the loo involves borrowing a torch from a stranger and taking your sister in with you. Not because you need help but so you can see.
Fast forward a couple of hours and I needed a wee again. Luckily Soph had brought a torch too so we didn’t have to hunt the random lady down.
She goes in first to grab the door. And while running the torch across the walls discovers a spider on the ceiling.
That was it. The song might say “if my sister’s in trouble so I am” but in the Crees family we apparently go by the version of “if my sister’s in trouble so I am. Unless it involves a spider: then you’re on your own love.”
So I had to wee in the dark. And once I was vaguely presentable I got her to open the door so I could see to get back in my chair etc.
At which point I realised that the gents was right next to the disabled loo and guys were walking past to get in there. And glancing in, as you do.
That set us off giggling too.
It’s so ridiculously CP that most people who’ve heard the second part of that story have been “argh spider!” and I was just like giggling and going “well at least I got to have a wee.”
That was a fun wedding though.
Darkness, spiders and all.