2012,  acceptance,  courage,  CP related,  perceptions,  personal,  Uncategorized

Time and Change

“Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them.” ~ Marcel Proust.

I was looking for quotes and I came across this.  It’s very apt particularly as I seem in be in a period of ongoing change in my life at the moment.

I think some of the changes may have the potential to be very good for me once they’re finished with.  But not all of them were my choice or are under my control.  And a couple of them are pretty scary.  I had a pretty big panicked cry over one the other day. Not fun.

I know that once this is sorted out I’ll be OK.  In some shape or form.  But that might not be one I’d like or have chosen.  And that’s pretty huge.  I’ll be OK.  That’s what matters.  I’ll be fine.

The journey will probably suck but in the end all will be well.

I was thinking though that sometimes I can’t understand who I am any more.  I don’t see the girl I used to be under who I seem to be right now.  I don’t see me.  Emma is lost, perhaps.

Then I read this quote and I realised that I know who I am right now, what I’ve done, where I’ve been, what I want from life etc.  But my mental view of who I am, the girl I picture when I think of myself and how things used to be?  That needs to catch up a little after all the changes I’ve had.

I’ll be playing catch up for a long time perhaps.  And maybe I never will see where I am in the moment when I picture who I am and set expectations for myself.  But I suspect that’s normal and the same for everyone else CP or no.   Life isn’t static, after all.

But CP sure as hell complicates things.

2 Comments

  • The Goldfish

    I know this feeling and I can only recommend that you embrace it. Times when you’re not quite sure who you are, are times you have the opportunity to choose who you’re going to be next. Which can be scary and odd – and you’re bound to learn things about yourself you didn’t entirely expect – but ultimately, you get to choose.

    Particularly when we’re younger, but also at other times of life, who we are can be easily dictated by our circumstances or the people around us. I sometimes think that people become more and more themselves as they get older, so long as you keep learning and having adventures in life.

    I hope the journey doesn’t suck too much. Take heart and good luck!

  • Angela Harding

    Hey Emma you sure make me think!!!! Personally (without CP) I did not wake up and smell the coffee till I was 35. I think you have more time to reflect so I am sure you will the get to ‘Age of Reason’ way before I did but I do not recommend Sartre (writer of the book by that title) just keep up the blog it makes me laugh, cry and think more

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