In 2011 I came accross 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind I was very intrigued by the questions and decided to start answering them on my blog. I only actually answered the 1st three before abandoning the project but it’s something I’ve wanted to restart for a while. Having just decided top restart I chose to answer the questions I did before as well as the others but I didn’t read what I wrote in 2011 until after I finished writing this.
HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE?
How old would I be if I didn’t know how old I was? Well, I’d have difficulty telling you how old I was is what I think!
But seriously, right now I think I would be as old as I am now if I got to choose my age (which is what I basically think the question is asking).
The last few days have been a bit of a struggle. I got a phone call on Friday asking me for feedback on something I did last year that was a very bad experience for me. I was glad after fighting for so long to be listened to and failing to achieve that to finally have a chance to be heard. Especially because it had been so tough at the time. And I finally felt like I was listened to with no excuses and without people jumping to conclusions before I finished. The person I spoke to said several times about things that they shouldn’t have happened. I got an apology too which was good. I was pleased to be listened to and I hope that maybe my experience will help the next disabled person they get have a better experience. But all of this was just too little, too late for me. Add in the fact that I’m pretty tired at the moment as I’ve been busy and I also had a very fun but very long day out in London with friends last week and it’s safe to say that phone call stirred up some emotions and memories I could probably have done with out.
But the last few days have also been really fun. Mum and I went to see Priscilla Queen of the Desert: The Musical on Friday night. It was so much fun. Best musical I’ve seen in a very long time for sure! And for various reasons I had to take my manual rather than my powerchair. I was pissed off about that to be honest which is a subject I need to write more about in a separate entry. I had planned to meet a friend I’ve not seen for ages for cocktails before the show but as I couldn’t take the powerchair had to cancel. Plus I felt like it would be really difficult not being in it in terms of getting around because it’s a bit of a trek from where we get dropped off to the theatre and Oxford paths aren’t the best. But the Oxford paths have been improved and I’ve obviously still got it when it comes to wheeling my manual because it wasn’t as easy as I’d like and it took longer than I’d like but I managed getting around better than I expected and needed less help from Mum then either of us had anticipated. Major win, I was really pleased.
And London was amazing but again needs to have it’s own separate entry (just as soon as I download the photos from my camera!)
The point I’m trying to make in this round about way is that at my current age there have been struggles and there have been good times. And the same was true when I was 5 or 12 or 17 or 27 or 30. At those ages things were different to what they’re like now I’m 31. 32, 34, 41, 72 those ages will all bring different things to me too.
There are things in my past I’d like to change – I wonder a lot what my life would be like if I’d gone to a different school for secondary school (or even if the school I did go to had had a better way of handling disabilty rather than the emotionally abusive way they did). But that doesn’t mean I want to go back to age 11 and start again with a different school. And there are things I’d like to achieve with my life that I don’t see happening for another couple of years. Sometimes it makes me sad that both of my siblings have (or will have) big events in their lives this year and I don’t. But that’s not about me wanting to move in with a partner or get married. It’s simply about the fact they’re doing new exciting things and my life feels a little boring right now. They probably felt the same with some things I’ve done that they haven’t.
No, if I didn’t know how old I was I think I’d choose to still be the age I am now. I’ve had great experiences and tough ones. I’ve laughed and I’ve cried and sometimes I wish things would happen to me now that can’t. But I wouldn’t want to go back and change what has been – I wouldn’t want to erase the experiences that have helped shape where I am and who I am now. And as much as I dream of the day when I get a novel published or have something else huge happen in my life I don’t want to skip forward to whatever age I’ll be when that happens. Because something totally unexpected but really awesome might happen to me tomorrow morning and if I skipped the bits of my life I think right now are boring I could miss out on that too.
After finishing writing this I went back and looked at the entry I wrote answering this question in 2011. I was very surprised to see I’d described this as one of my least favourites on the list. There are a few similarities in my answer but a few differences. Overall it didn’t surprise me.