Fed Up

I’m a bit fed up

of not getting actual answers to my questions but just a stream of talking that dances around the question

of not being treated with respect

of having to point out what should be really obvious

of having people blame things on my disability which in reality have nothing to do with my disability. Only thinking or saying “well she is disabled” makes it easier for them than having to accept and admit  that they fucked up.

of the fear that this time when they’re predicting snow will be the time when it actually comes.

of the words “but it’s your rent money that pays for that.”

of the excuse “not all wheelchairs are the same size” when it’s blatently obvious to all concerned that the dodgy ramp (or other access problem) I’m complaining about is going to be dodgy for me in my very slightly bigger than average chair but also for a parent whose five year old uses a tiny paediatric chair.

of people who complain about things on my behalf without actually seeing if I’m bothered about them

of people who make a big deal about the difficulties they’re having finding a venue I can access without actually checking with me 1) what I need and 2) When I’m the only disabled person whose been invited checking if I’m going to be attending the event.

of having to argue with staff at places I go to regularly because I know damn well they can do what I need for access but the staff member is new and doesn’t know what the choices are so is saying their system says no.

of people making eye contact with the person I’m with and talking about me and not to me until I point blank tell them “look I don’t understand what you mean by this and I’m the one who knows what I need”. and of that person seeming uncomfortable with that.

of being in my manual and having the assisted travel staff at a station I’ve never been to before asking my friends “does she want a push?” (that would never happen at a place I’ve been to before).

of going to shops with broken lifts.  Yes staff offer to get stuff for me but when I just want to go upstairs to mooch that doesn’t help.  Perhaps next time the lift is broken in waterstones I’ll say “yes I want a good look at your sci fi section.  Bring it all down to me. Every. Single. Book.”

It occurs to me as I’ve just finished writing this that I could delete all this and replace it simply with the words “I’m fed up of having to fight to be seen as equal”  but I doubt that would get the point accross.  And that makes me sad.

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