Today is 8 November 2014.
I started sharing my life online 8 November 2000.
I was bored that day and remembered this diary thing someone had told me about months before. I’d written a few entries than abandoned it. I went back that November day and deleted all of those and started afresh. I’ve said before that I regret deleting those entries. And yeah it would be interesting to go back and read them.
But my first ever blog entry from the days when they called them online diaries – the one I wrote that November day is still online. And having gone back to read it I have to say my skill as a writer and my content makes me cringe.
I read another few of the entries back there on my first diary. I’m absolutely horrified by how open I was. I never shared my full name back then like I do now. But I called all my friends by their names. I mentioned where I went to uni and the halls I lived in were mentioned by name. And in at least one entry, probably a hell of a lot more if memory serves I mentioned the disability services staff by name and the fact that I fucking hated [one of them]. Which looking back was pretty fucking stupid of me.
Now I did hate this particular person. They weren’t in my opinion (but several of my friends who were also disabled agreed) very good at their job and they also weren’t very easy to deal with. Which add in my being very new away from home and using carers and their having a lot of input into the organising of that made for difficulties. But I read that stuff and I just wanted to go back and shake my 18 year old self and say “what the hell are you doing?”
Luckily for me whilst I’ve had a few mishaps with my blogging and people being upset with what I’ve written over the years it’s never been anything serious. And that entry with the disability services staff member and my declaration that I fucking hated them faded into the background.
I’m very glad I still blog although at the moment I’m on a bit of a blogging downer. Not much inspiration for various reasons. I’m also very glad my boundaries and content have changed over the years to what they are now. I wonder, if I’m still blogging in a few years if I’ll look at the entries I write nowadays and think they’re wrong. It’s definitely something to think about.
But in the meantime I’m going to go back and read a few more of my early blog entries. And wonder just why my 18 year old self thought anyone needed to know that I went to town and bought “a get well soon card for Pam. also bought chocolate, envelopes coke, beans and always“.