There are, perhaps, five Tuesday evening sails left this year. I personally suspect only four but five is most likely and the most it could be is six. Although the person who runs sailability always says when asked “we try to keep sailing until the clocks change” I think I’ve only ever sailed in October once. In a way I look forward to the off season and what that will bring – I have a couple of very exciting things planned for October and later in the year. But most of me isn’t ready for the hot day, sunshine and sailing to come to an end. How can it be practically September already?!
It’s been a good year for sailing – very few have been cancelled due to the weather, although there have been one or two where sailing has run but I’ve chosen not to go on the water once I’ve seen the conditions. But as much as it has been a good year I did go through a real spell of feeling like I lost my confidence in sailing and had to fight to get it back. That was more of a trust/anxiety thing than because of any particular bad experience and as much as I could go into the exact in and outs they aren’t really relevant any longer and don’t matter. In the last weeks conditions have been gentler and the sun has been shining and slowly – very slowly – it’s been coming back and I’ve been finding my enjoyment of the water once again.
A big part of it was a general loss of confidence (and higher levels of anxiety) that I seemed to experience when my powerchair broke and everything shifted in my life unexpectedly as a result of that. Sailing confidence is back but I’m still working on my confidence in the new powerchair. It will come, it’s just taking longer than I’d like. I do think that I’ll always struggle somewhat with anxiety and confidence though and especially with sailing because by it’s very nature it forces me to do something that can be a huge trigger for me (I tend to find it very difficult to feel safe if I’m not in my wheelchair).
And tonight I got to watch another gorgeous Farmoor sunset. In the past couple of months I’ve mostly been getting lifts from my Dad so I’ve not seen many as we don’t stay for a drink after meaning we’ve been away before the sunsets. But tonight we did – and Dad fished my phone out of the car for me to take some photos.