2019,  cold,  mental health,  personal,  perspective,  snow

Snow Days

 

Day two of my being stuck in due to snow/ice is coming to an end. It’s definitely melting but the paths right outside my house were absolutely covered in ice today. As much as my chair may well handle it for the short distance to the main road (which I suspect is clearly), it’s not worth the risk.  I may get out tomorrow if it’s improved a bit, I may not.

 

Snow is something that worries me. It’s pretty to look at but it’s also pretty damn inaccessible.

 

For the last several years I’ve often stressed myself in winter working on the panicked idea that I had to get my prescription as soon as it was ready. And that food shopping needed to be got pretty much immediately. There could be no waiting for a few days to replace the cheese (even if I didn’t need it straight away) because what if it snowed and I couldn’t get out for days on end and not having cheese became a real problem?!

 

It was never a real problem because I have family nearby and they would almost always be available to get anything I needed in a real crisis. And not having cheese would mean I missed out on some yummy meals but never become a real problem. (Med on the other hand…)

 

The biggest issue actually is my difficulty in asking for help. And how hard I find it to lose my independence. The unending sight of snow with no idea when I might get out again was a huge problem too because if you know you’re stuck here for three days you can cope. If you know you can get out if you want to but it’s difficult it’s copeable. If you use a wheelchair that might not manage the snow and there’s no definite end in sight it’s different.

 

I’ve been trying over the last year or so to be slightly less panicked about needing to do things immediately just in case.

 

I shopped Wednesday and grabbed a couple of extra bits due to the forecast but then realised when I got home I needed bread. As I was near Sainsburys on Thursday I picked up bread and a few extra bits again. I knew I had everything I needed for several days and if it snowed I’d be fine.

 

I was right, I’m absolutely fine for food and meds and everything even though I haven’t been out for two days.. I have enough bread etc to keep me going tomorrow and Monday, possibly Tuesday. Realistically the freezer and my cupboards could feed me several days after that but my meal choices may be slightly unusual.

 

But when I left the writers workshop on Thursday night as the first flurries of snow fell I felt panicked. I regretted that the workshops have changed venue. There is no shop near where they are now held but the big Sainsburys is a couple of minutes from the previous venue. I had a strong, strong urge to go and do a panic shop before I lost my ability to go out. To run round sainsburys picking up things I knew didn’t need but didn’t feel I could run the risk of not having.

 

I don’t even know what I would have bought, I just really felt I needed more food in the house because it was snowing. Things that it would make me feel better to have but would very possibly have been doomed to go uneaten.

 

My head knows I’m fine. That the snow will go in a few days and I’ll be out and about again – possibly even as soon as tomorrow. But my heart isn’t so sure.

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