2021,  acceptance,  care,  Compression,  Family,  friends,  lymphoedema,  things people say

The Most Supportive Thing

I wrote an entry a while ago about blog posts I’d been wanting to write (I’m really good at starting things…) this is part of one of the posts, there maybe a part two at some point but not any time soon.

Last week (before the phone call about self-isolation) I had a problem with the carers. No one turned up to do my call and then when I eventually tried to call them to chase it up (much later than I should have because I kept thinking “someone will come soon”) I couldn’t get through on the phone, repeatedly. Once I did manage to get hold of them it was really quickly sorted.

And I appreciated three things about it.

I was grateful that in almost 11 months with this agency this is the first major problem like that – and the first time I’ve had to chase where a carer is. I’ve previously had to chase other agencies on practically a weekly if not daily basis.

I really appreciated the carer’s honesty when, after coming running up the path to my front door, she said “sorry, Em, my fault.” Because that takes a lot of guts. Particularly when due to care being confidential she could have just not mentioned it or said something non-committal like “been a bad morning.” And I used to catch the care agency before in stupid little lies about stuff like that all the time. But I did also have to wonder when she started calling me “Em”.

But what I really really appreciated was that when I sent a letting off steam message to a friend of mine saying “Argh carer’s over an hour late and I can’t get hold of the agency.” she sent the perfect message back.

It said: “Argh.”

One thing I’ve struggled with, particularly since starting to have carers/wear compression, is people wanting to solve my problems. I’ve had a lot of people getting angry on my behalf about things. Trying to justify to me or explain why things have happened. Tell me I shouldn’t let things annoy or upset me.

I do realise that it comes from a place of wanting to help me, trying to be helpful. And perhaps it’s how they would like to be supported if they were in that situation.

But whilst I am grateful to have people who wish that for me and have been trying to help. Sometimes I just want to rant, to let off the steam. It feels like nobody wants to be the one to do this – I think it makes them uncomfortable to sit with people in their painful moments – but sometimes I don’t want a solution or people’s anger or justification. I just want to tell you something’s happened that’s upset me.

I’m not just talking about problems with my care here but life in general. But sometimes the most helpful, supportive, useful thing people could do is let me tell you it’s shit and just hear me. All you have to say is “yeah it is.”

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