Random Bullet Points of Life

For the small things worth mentioning but probably not worth a blog entry of their own

+ The furosemide for my lymphoedema is working and my feet are improved. Still obviously swollen but less so and my trainers fit better (but are still out of shape). I’m pleased. Blood test tomorrow to check the meds haven’t messed up my kidneys (and at my request check my iron)

+ I got sailing for the first time in several weeks last night. I really didn’t think I would based on what they were saying in advance about the weather but I was bored so we went to see. Even when we got there I wasn’t sure but the wind dropped down and I got out for about 45 minutes. It was good. I took a couple of pics to do a “spotted at the sailing club” entry but when I looked back at them they weren’t great. I put them on my instagram though.

+ I’ve been trying to do more with instagram actually rather than just taking pics and doing nothing with them after I accidentally lost loads of pics a while ago – wiped what they were on thinking I’d backed them up to my PC then discovered no they weren’t. I’ve got several pics I love on there.

+ For the first time in ages I went looking for a new layout for this blog and found one I really love.

+ My sister’s hen do is this weekend. I’m looking forward to it.

+ Bake Off started again this evening. I liked it. Part of me would like to see about going to a filming of An Extra Slice again, especially as it’s now being filmed at Waterloo so I could take my powerchair. But I won’t because they were rubbish at access when I went (didn’t have wheelchair spaces as such, made my friend sit separate to me and kept asking me to transfer) and I mostly just want to see an episode before everyone else again.

Surrounded by Sadness

After I wrote the things that make me happy post on Saturday I’d planned to write some more on the subject. I will write more on the subject I’m sure but tonight sees me writing about the opposite of happiness.

Because there is a hell of a lot of sadness around me lately.

I heard of the death of a friend of mine and my parents yesterday.

It was I think the sixth death I’ve heard of in the past seven weeks. Plus my Dad was saying he and my mum know of two others who have died recently.

Two distant family members. For one she was in her nineties and I think it wasn’t unexpected. The second was unexpected and frankly in shocking circumstances.
A very vague acquaintance I’d not seen in years and who probably didn’t remember me
Two people within the wider challenger sailing community, one of whom I’d met briefly once or maybe twice but mostly exchanged a few emails with. The second I don’t think I’d met or at least his name didn’t ring a bell. But he was sailing when he died and I do know the person who was on the boat with him at the time which got me a bit…
And now our family friend.

Funnily enough mum and I used to quite often see him and his wife at the arts centre. We were there three times last week and I’d commented to mum that we’d not seen them for ages and I was surprised they weren’t at the talk on the power station. Then we went to Gyles Brandreth on Saturday and we saw his wife (we know them because she was my carer when I was tiny before I went to school and they used to visit us at least every Christmas until I was well into my teens) with who I assume to be one of her granddaughters. She was telling us about her husband. How he was poorly and in hospital but it sounded like he was in good spirits. We said “send him our love” or words to that extent. And then we went into the show.

And afterwards I was by the merchandise table waiting to get my book signed. She came by and looked at the books. Picked one up saying she’d get it signed for her husband because he’d been meant to come to the show with her. Joined the queue behind me.

Then mid morning yesterday my phone rang.

When my mum rings in the middle of the day in the week it’s usually something wrong or some sort of specific question that needs an immediate answer, often tech support for her computer. And I could tell it wasn’t going to be one of those situations where I’m on the end of the phone trying to tell her how to find something on her laptop and getting annoyed because it’s so obvious if she’d just look properly and she’s at the other end getting even more annoyed and declaring “stupid computer!” In the tone of voice she gets when she’s about ready to chuck it out the window.

And it wasn’t.

She was ringing to tell me of a trip to Tesco, of hearing that our friend had died and a long hug in the middle of the supermarket.

Yet more sadness. Like a bolt from the blue.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of problems lately. Wheelchair issues with both my manual and powerchairs, anaemia, the hospital transport disaster last week. I’ve been feeling crap. I’m run down I think and pretty stressed.

But at the same time all I keep hearing lately is about sad things. People struggling and so many deaths. I don’t remember ever hearing of so many deaths in such a short period before. And in a way that scares me.

It’s like I’m surrounded in the periphery at least by sadness and people struggling.

Am I sad? Yes and no. I’m sad about our friend who just died. I had a drink at the arts centre at lunch with some other friends. It was weird to think he’ll never make me jump again by appearing behind me in there to say hello. I was sad to hear of the other deaths too. But most of all I’m sad for all the people around me who are struggling because of that.

So as much as I planned to sit down tonight and write my follow post about things that make me happy, I can’t. Because happiness and sadness go hand in hand. And I needed to write about that sadness first.

Random Bullet Points of Life

♥ I got my powerchair back yesterday and I took it out for a very long wander around this afternoon. I came back cold but with the cobwebs well and truly blown away and feeling happier.

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(An Instagram I took as proof I went out and because I thought it looked nice. Road, trees, sky, cars going past and the power station in the distance)

♥ I can’t remember if I posted here that I was going to take the creative writing class again. It was going to be a five week class with the same tutor I had before. The first one was last week but the rest have been cancelled due to low numbers. Which didn’t surprise me. It’s a shame but I’m not as bothered as I was because I wanted to take it to help me find my writing mojo again and I’d already located it.

♥ my GP just called me (at 7:20 PM). My iron levels were back to normal when tested but my stores were still low. I may need to keep taking iron on a very low dose long term however. I feel this is a perfect time to declare “sometimes it’s hard to be a woman…” (Who sang that?) retest in December.

♥ it’s probably over a week and a half since I finished a book.

♥ I actually finished a craft project! Well a couple of weeks ago but the recipient has it now so…

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(Pink crocheted baby blanket, crocheted in the round. Large bright pink stripes interspaced with a few narrower light pink ones)

♥ I have 26,437 words written for NaNo. They are mostly crap.

Self Care Sunday: limits, anxiety and sleep

This week I’ve been doing my best to continue to push my limits whilst not pushing myself too far. I guess another way I could put it is I’ve been trying to say no without feeling guilty about it. That’s mostly successful

I’ve also been trying to not let being anxious about a few things mean I didn’t do them. That’s mostly successful.

I did write a bit more about those things but I’m not convinced it made sense so I reached for the backspace key. I would rewrite it but the final thing I’ve been trying to do is fix my sleep pattern and go to bed when I’m tired. That’s not successful because I’ve had weird insomnia for two nights. I go to bed. I fall asleep much easier than when I stay up. Then several hours before my alarm I wake for the loo (not unusual) and can’t get back to sleep despite feeling exhausted (maybe due to still being a touch low on iron?). But I will continue on.

And on that note it’s my bedtime.

I’ve been wondering…

A Thursday Thirteen list of things I’ve been pondering lately:

…who invented chips?
…does anyone ever use just one piece of loo roll?
…why does one of my powerchair tires have zero tread left but the one on the other side still has a little?
…why are knickers called knickers?
…when will John Green bring another book out?
…how long is too long to wear a bra before washing?
…will I ever get sent another appointment to see my neurologist if I don’t chase him?
…what shall I read next?
…what does mono printing involve exactly?
…do I need my antidepressant dose increasing?
…how long my soon to start second course of iron supplements will be?
…why does it always rain on me?
…should I do NaNoWriMo again this year?

Answers on a postcard please!

Self-Care Sunday: Thinking It Over

I’m not sure what to write about today. There have been lots of little things going on like continuing to take my meds everyday (I have approx 8 days left on iron tablets for the anaemia. That will get easier after that because those are my only three times a day med) and taking a break from my wheelchair in the middle of most days. And working on picking my battles and when to let things go and move on. But I don’t have a lot to say on the little things – in part because it feels too soon. The picking my battles thing is something I probably should blog about. Just not today. Mostly because that would defeat the object of letting things go.

I killed my wheelchair batteries off last Monday and ended up walking home incredibly slowly to ensure they didn’t die completely. The good thing about that was it meant I bumped into an acquaintance. I really, really don’t know them well and hadn’t seen them for years. It was nice to chat and they shared a piece of information with me that’s been making me think more on a subject I’d vaguely wondered about then dismissed. That could be good for me. Maybe.

Truly I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things this week. One of which is this occasional address by the awesome Tim Minchin. I should probably act on some of his points. In fact, not probably, definitely. But I must also admit to being a little disappointed it wasn’t a beat poem like Storm or a song. That would have been epic but probably would have diluted its message.

Self-Care Sunday: Resting

I thought for this weeks self care Sunday blog I’d combine it with my idea of the five minute blog – getting what thoughts I can down in just five minutes and then leaving it. That’s because I’m not sure I have a lot to say, point one and point two I’d like an early ish for me might (which a lot of people wouldn’t consider early I know) so I’m not short on time but not exactly rolling in it either.

So how have I been taking care of myself this week?

Resting. Mostly getting extra rest.

I’ve been pretty tired all week following my very busy and very fun weekend in London last week (which I still need to blog about). One or two early nights, multiple naps and some lie ins. Even days like today that have or will have seen all of the above! Today is a very definite lazy day and in fact I only got dressed because I’m still in my summer mode of sleeping mostly naked.

I was getting a bit worried earlier about how tired I still am but when I rang mum she asked what I’d been doing today and when I said I’d napped and had a lie in she went “yeah you were busy yesterday and Friday weren’t you?” And I twigged she was right. Kind of busy Thursday too but in a different way. So actually I guess it’s ok, particularly given I may still be somewhat anaemic and my med compliance has been poor this week.

Random Bullet Points of Health Related Life

♥ I still don’t have my new wheelchair cushion. I had my fitting appt at wheelchair services but that was the worlds biggest waste of time because they didn’t have it. The story is a bit more complicated then that and totally ridiculous as well as very badly handled. I made a complaint to PALS about that. It made me feel better if nothing else.

♥ I was diagnosed with anaemia about ten days ago. It was borderline but based on symptoms I’m being treated with ferrous fumarate (prescription strength iron supplements) three times a day for 8 weeks. I keep wanting to call it ferocious fumarate. Sophie said when she was anaemic and had iron pills she felt great. I’ve been feeling crap – nauseous to the extent that on Wednesday I was on my way home and I was convinced I was going to projectile vomit on the street (I’ve not been sick at all). I decided to persevere over the weekend and I’ve felt ok yesterday and today.

♥ I had my 6th UTI of this year. GP I saw this time thinks I’m getting cystitis and not full blown infections and prescribed me nitrofurantoin to keep in the house. 1 on symptoms and a litre of extra water then give it 24 hours. She also said she thought if I took 1000mg vitamin c a day I’d stop getting infections. We shall see.

♥ I’ve started trying to take better care of myself. Baby steps is the plan. At the moment that’s taking most of my meds (well, it was meant to be all but I appear to have run out of sertraline). It was also improving my sleep pattern but that’s slipped big style this weekend.