Updating my blog has been on my to do list for weeks and I actually started to write a post a few days ago. But that turned into a whinge about the reasons I’ve currently lost my love for blogging so I left it in unfinished in drafts and then deleted it this morning.
I mean this blog is for the highs and lows and it is the place to talk about how I currently feel about sharing my life online. And more about how I feel the current ecosystem of the internet is shaping that. But I don’t feel it’s the post for right now, particularly as it seems a lot of my later posts are (or could be taken as) somewhat negative.
For the last couple of months I’ve been at cornerstone writing once a week or so with various people from my writers group. Most weeks I’ve been taking my notebook and working on some journalling.
Basically writing a stream of consciousness about whatever comes to mind. It’s very useful to help work out what I’m thinking about or clear my mind of worries/concerns. It’s very interesting how I’ll start writing about one thing and over the space of twenty minutes or two pages it’ll meander through two or three subjects to end up somewhere completely different.
But today instead of viewing writing as a process and a thing to do, it’s more about writing for a product. It’s time to do something about this blog so I’ve brought my tablet with me and I’m writing this.
The reality is I started what we now call blogging back in November 2000 for a bit of fun. It was all anyone ever expected back in the days when we called them online diaries and the Internet was new and nobody had any idea how big and integrated with our lives it would become. Now everything is all about the so-called side hustle and making money. Meaning it no longer feels acceptable to just do something for the love of it.
I still get a lot from blogging and I still enjoy going back a few years and reading old entries, being reminded of what I forgot (I regret that much of my earliest years of blogging is lost but at the same time I cringe the first few entries which I do have copies of).
I think I need to rediscover blogging for me. Not for the deals, freebies, money and hundreds of followers society would say I need. But because I enjoy it and get stuff from it.
Last week I became an Aunt for the first time! Several of my cousins have children as do one or two friends and lot of those kids know me as Auntie Emma (something which surprised me). But last week I became a proper Auntie. My brother and sister in law welcomed their first child which was really exciting.
Henry David Nicholas was born Tuesday 13th October 2015 weighing 8lb 1oz.
The level of excitement in the Crees family really had to be seen to be believed. I think in the past week most of us have fallen in love with the baby but calmed down somewhat. I haven’t seen my Mum with him since the weekend but I’m not sure the same could be said for the new Granny!
We didn’t know he was a boy but I’d been saying since the day I found out Geri was pregnant that I thought it would be a boy. Until the day he was born when I was waiting for news and the word niece kept coming to mind and making me wonder if I was wrong.
Here are some photos (clicking on any photo brings it up bigger)
(photo shows me holding Henry when I met him in the hospital the day after he was born. It’s taken over my shoulder and my face isn’t visible. My shoulder and arm are, I’m wearing a bright pink fleece. Henry is asleep with his eyes closed and has lots of dark hair)
Ben and Geri holding Henry in the hospital. Geri is in bed and they are looking at Henry, not at the camera.
Me holding Henry in the hospital. He’s tucked against my shoulder and I’m smiling. The blanket I made for him is over him and I have one of my hands on top of it helping to support him/hold it in place.
This is the blanket I made for Henry. Photo was taken in my messy lounge and the light isn’t great for the colours (cream, beige like and a midbrown) but it shows the detail. It’s being held up in front of someone but their head is cropped out. The blanket is crocheted and is made up of 25 granny squares joined together with a thick cream boarder round the whole blanket. For some reason I always thought granny squares were too complicated for me but when I set to learning to make them for this blanket I quickly got the hang of them and after several trial runs to get colour combos and hook sizes right I now love making them.
I have loads more photos – I swear between all the people he’s met thousands must have been taken – but a lot of them are still on my phone so I’ll leave this here. But I reserve the right to do the excited Aunt thing and post more soon (I went to something new yesterday and was asked in advance to prepare a presentation introducing me. My slides were all photos and I put one of Henry with the blanket I made him in – snuck it in on the excuse I could talk about my crafts. But really I put another photo in for crafts and used that photo of Henry to boast about being a new aunt)>
Mum and I went to see Gyles Brandreth in his one man snow Looking for Happiness this evening. It wasn’t what I was expecting but it was was really good. The only reason it wasn’t what I was expecting was because I didn’t really know much about him in advance of the show tonight and was expecting something a little more stand up like. Some of his stories I’d not heard of the people he mentioned but unlike with some other acts when I’ve been too young to know some of the things or people they were talking about that didn’t matter.
I picked up a copy of his book after the show and he signed it for me. When I told him my name he said “Emma, they should write a book about you.” And I asked what it would be about, expecting him to say something which could only be categorised as inspiration porn. He said it would be “Emma: Her Story.”
During the show he asked a few people what made them happy. Most of them said family, children, husband, grandchildren. During the interval mum said her first thought had been cake.
My first thought for what makes me happy was sailing, because that’s the sort of thing you can tell people and it doesn’t require any explanation about what it is and people don’t look at you like you’re weird. Plus it does make me happy. Often I’ll go on the water and by the time I come in I’ll feel a lot calmer and better about things. I sometimes think a few people who know I sail but have never been there or seen me so it think it’s a much bigger part of my life than it is though. I may be selling it/myself short there though.
Then my next thought was that my wheelchair makes me happy. In many ways that’s probably the thing that makes me happiest. The manual and the power but in different ways. Because the manual gives me my mobility and my independence but my powerchair gives me my freedom.
So on my way home I was thinking of what makes me happy. Here is my not conclusive list in no particular order other than what they came to mind as I was typing this.
My manual chair
Feeling that I’ve made a difference
Putting loud music on and singing along
Going to new places
Feeling I belong
Time to myself
Jacket potatoes done in the oven so they have crispy skins smothered in cheese
Dyeing my hair bright colours
Painting my nails
Watching live parasport
Learning new things
Getting several phone calls and emails and similar “bits” done in one morning all of which have been hanging over me for days if not weeks.
Sitting outside reading in the sunshine. It was a book I’d been sent o review and not only was it free it was very good.
A long sail in the sunshine. It didn’t feel like there was much wind but I was able to keep the boat moving all the time. And once or twice I hit the wind just right and really took off.
Seeing a friend in the distance but not being able to chat. I’d have loved to chat. But I even more loved the reason we couldn’t chat was because we’d both exchanged our wheels for the water – and most importantly, the wind.
> Today was better than I expected and I had the opportunity to take time out in the middle of my busy day. I read in the sunshine for just under an hour and finished reading my book then took a shower before continuing my day.
Time to just be, it was perfect. That’s what I wanted from my disconnected day at the weekend but it didn’t happen. Disconnecting did but life kicked me in the teeth so there was angst and little chilling
Plus, I had my last counselling session.
They were both doses of happy for me today.
And now, a poem
Dark sky Bright lights Cars stream past Keep going fast Life never stops Even when the sun drops
The pull of life Can cause strife Always needed to be there No time for self care Until one night There came an unusual sight
People were few As though they knew It would be best To rest And lay their sleepy heads On their beds
All content copyright Emma Crees, 2006 – 2012 unless otherwise stated