• 2013,  anaemia,  courage,  depression,  down,  friends,  memories,  personal,  Uncategorized,  unexpected things

    Surrounded by Sadness

    After I wrote the things that make me happy post on Saturday I’d planned to write some more on the subject. I will write more on the subject I’m sure but tonight sees me writing about the opposite of happiness. Because there is a hell of a lot of sadness around me lately. I heard of the death of a friend of mine and my parents yesterday. It was I think the sixth death I’ve heard of in the past seven weeks. Plus my Dad was saying he and my mum know of two others who have died recently. Two distant family members. For one she was in her nineties…

  • advocacy,  down,  sailing,  Uncategorized

    A tough week

    It’s been a tough few weeks and although I’ve been able to pull some good out of this week and feel like I’m making progress again this week does feel like a tough one.  That’s probably an unfair thing to say but it’s how I feel. I’m probably biased by the fact I’ve really had a crap day.  The morning was full of me being stressed about the afternoon, the afternoon and early evening sucked  and I felt very much like I was gonna crack up if this continues but after about half six the day got better.  I feel calmer and happier about things now.  In part I think…

  • 100 days of writing,  2012,  down,  Poetry,  Uncategorized

    >The New Black

    >Today I’m not at all sure this 100 days of writing thing was a good idea. I’m also really tired. Which probably accounts for part of it. The whole screwy hormones are screwy thing is probably the other half. Still, 18 days is a huge achievement for me. The New Black Motivation I lackMy mood is suddenly blackOr it might be better to sayIt’s grey.Because I am motivatedA littleAnd my mood is a new kinda blackNot as badAs my 2011Great depressionBut much worseThan recentlyEven earlier todaySo I think I’ll sayThat it’s greyAnd that greyIs the new black. In some ways I wishI could giveDepressionThe sackBut it’s taught meLessons(in factToo manyTo…

  • 100 days of writing,  2012,  disability,  down,  friends,  pain,  Poetry,  Uncategorized

    >I Should Be

    >Day 14 of 100! A bit of bad news and very high pain levels led to an accidental 3 hour nap and my not being my usual self. I Should Be I should be I should be writingI should be sleepingI should be doing the washing.I should be doing my physio.I should be sending emailsExercising, knitting or reading a book. There are many things I should be doingBut I’m not I’m sat hereBack hurtsSpasming musclesAnd spasticityIn my legsLike youWouldn’t believe Bad news hitsMy mood is Sad. But meds meanI’m not in bitsWithout themI’d really be that Bad. My body hurtsOne wayMy mind Another Both conspireTo stop meIn my tracks Suddenly…

  • depression,  down,  mental health,  Uncategorized

    >How am I really?

    >Last week I had another attempt at this putting myself first lark and shared with a couple of people that I was sorry but I couldn’t provide the support they were looking to me for as I’m so busy and have a lot going on. The automatic assumption to this seemed to be that this was a very bad thing and a couple responded along the lines of “sorry you’ve still being dumped on hope it resolves”. That’s the wrong assumption however and I don’t know where it’s come from. I am very busy and whilst it’s true that my mental health is at a bit of a low ebb…

  • disability,  down,  Family,  fluoxetine,  friends,  jazzy,  powerchair,  Uncategorized

    >I’ve Had Enough

    > It’s three and a half weeks since my powerchair broke down.   And I’ve done relatively well since then.  I’m proud of how well I’ve done in fact.  I’ve done more wheeling in my manual chair than I probably have in years.  Admittedly I was in a lot of pain for two days after with a very sore neck and achy shoulders but doing so felt good. And the tears have only fallen once (although they came close to coming again this morning.).  A big part of that is probably my antidepressant – but that’s why I take it and a big proof that it’s working. Wheelchair repairs taking…

  • down,  scale junkie,  swimming,  Uncategorized,  weight loss

    >In The Right Direction

    >I’m down roughly a pound and a half this week (from 17 4lb & 7/8ths to 17 3lb &1/4th and I can’t do that kind of exact maths). And I just got back (ok, well an hour and a half ago) from swimming. Must admit that I’m feeling a little fed up with this now, need to make some really progress again and stop hovering. All content copyright Emma Crees, 2006 – 2012 unless otherwise stated http://writerinawheelchair.blogspot.com

  • creative writing class,  down,  goals,  Uncategorized,  writing

    >Compliments

    >I’ve been meaning to post this since it happened because I don’t want to forget about it.  Especially today as I am a bit fed up about stupid things that shouldn’t bother me.  So here goes: On Thursday one of the newer creative writers (there are several of us who have done the course more than once; he is one of the ones who was new this time round) and I were chatting.  We went out for a meal after the class as it was the last one of the course. And he described me as a semi-professional writer what with all my reviewing and all that. How very. very…

  • down,  scale junkie,  Uncategorized,  weight loss

    >Not the best of weeks – Healthy You Check In Post

    >I didn’t attempt to weigh myself this morning because my emotional state being what it is I couldn’t stand the CP related uncertainty and the frustration trying to balance on the scales brings to me. I’ve just got my period a few minutes ago which I can only describe as a relief because it means my emotions should calm down a bit and make things a bit easier now. I’m actually planning to restart taking evening primrose oil daily to see if I can prevent the PMS related highs and lows I get. Also a multivitamin because I’ve heard B vitamins are good from those things and also I think…

  • down,  perspective,  thinking,  Uncategorized

    >Things to Think About.

    >It was really nice to see Auntie Sheila and everyone this afternoon and I did feel a bit more cheerful when I was out. I think part of the blah down-ness might have come from the fact that I’ve not done very much of anything other than computer time, knitting and a bit of reading over the last few days.  I definitely couldn’t have been in the bureau this week.  Overdoing it at the weekend and then spending a lot of time at home recovering is not a good mix for me mental health wise.  I guess those two mornings a week where I’m in the bureau do make a…