>Musings Mostly

>I am hopeful that the Quest for Health in 2007 is going to achieve some short term results. It’s at least gotten off to a very good start. I am lethargic today and haven’t had the best of days today for various reasons but in terms of health it’s been “all there” and it hasn’t been too hard.
I’ll hold my tongue about long term results for a while seeing as how I managed to lose 20lb in four months last year and then regain it in the following three months. Also, I had the tape measure out earlier and my waist measures as much now as it did when I first started tracking the measurement in June last year (at one point it was five inches less).

Yeah, thats horrible, a total wake up call.

“Take Care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live”

>A note and a reminder

>

For posterity:

My weight today is 14st 7lb so that is the official starting weight of 2007. I hope to lose 6lb this month.

And a reminder:

The Sixth Disability Blog Carnival will be on 11th Jan 2007. And I will be hosting it here. The theme: disability and how it can affect friendships/relationships (with friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, romantic/sexual – basically any sort of relationship).

Submissions can be sent to me via e-mail (Emma@WheelchairPrincess.com) or the Disability Blog Carnival submission form. The deadline for submissions is next Monday (if sent through the site, if I receive e-mails up to the Weds for the carnival I may include them) and the carnival will appear the next Thursday (11/01/07)
If you e-mail please put carnival or some similar in the subject line – the permalink of the article is all you need to send but you may, of course, send more than that. And equally you may also send more than one article/entry.

I’ve had some very interesting entries sent to me but am hoping to get a few more. I’d especially like to get some new participants if possible. I was also wondering about getting some articles from other perspectives (e.g AB relatives or friends writing about their disabled relatives or friends) we have one or two and they are good.
Something I’m finding so far is how many people have very similar experiences and it’s helped me to feel a little less alone at a time when I am feeling a little overwhelmed by my disability. Wouldn’t you like to do that for someone you know? Share your experiences in the carnival and you could do that!

>And now for something completely different…

>

I figured it was time we had something cheerful around here and that ticker certainly is that!

Ooooh pretty 🙂

and even more OOOOOOOH what an achievement!

*is proud*

And… lets talk inches:
Run away, run far away little inches and never come back!

Yes again that is a to size visual reminder.  Ooooh Impressive, huh?!

I go away in 11 days and I am very happy about the weight I will be when I go!  I would if possible like to lose another 2lb before I go so I can be a round 20lb down (or 90% Emma!) but I’m just grateful and pleased to be where I am right now.

Enough rabbiting, I think I better brave the drizzle and go to Sainsburys.

love, a very smiley and getting towards slim Em!

>Photos, musings on weight

>My weight is pretty much back to where it was when my Gran died (I still hate typing those words) – I can’t believe it’s been a month (tomorrow) since she left us. In some ways it feels like so little time and in others, so long.
I am ambivilous about my weight at the moment to be honest. I know I am taking baby steps to losing weight again and I am proud of those. But I just feel blah and numb and like I could care less that I gained some weight back and then lost it again. It seems kind of petty.

And then we come back to the fact that right after my Gran died I didn’t eat properly at all for about a week. I lost another four or so pounds and saw 20 lb loss – or 10% of my starting weight. I know that wasn’t healthy and I knew it wouldn’t last. I told myself that I didn’t mind that… I was kidding myself.

I never wrote about losing those extra lb here because I knew it wasn’t “real” or “true” weightloss or whatever you want to call it. And when I wrote that I had regained 3lb from what the ticker said? The ticker didn’t show those extra 4lb and my gain was those back + the 3 I talked about. That;’s why I was in such a spin.

I’m coming out of the spin now I know but… meh!

I don’t wanna feel like this any more.

Please can my mental energies just rewind a month or so to the time when I was “In The Zone” so to speak and this was easy?!

I wish I never would have got anything near looking like this… I wish I would have gained some self confidence, self respect, willpower and pride in myself eight years ago when my weight began to get out of control.
feelingfat-basildon-aug.jpg

I look so horrible in that photo! I know it is a bad photo but I still hate that I have photos in which I look so covered in rolls of fat. I’m just posting the thumbnail of that pic… you can click to view the fullsize if you want.

If I were feeling able to be realistic and less bogged down in emotionals and chemical imbalances that mess up my thought processes, I would ignore that photo and I know I am letting my illness (depression) win with this entry.

I do have a pretty good photo which was taken an hour or two after the one above… I guess I should post that too. Both of these were taken last night. As I like this I will let you see the full size here.

Dancing Girl... Not quite so fat!

Going back to making fair comments I should add I guess that I was horribly stressed out in the first pic about something that had just happened and was happier and dancing in the second which I think helps a lot!

>Battling on to losin’ it once more.

>No picture post… I can’t find my camera. I am very annoyed by that but very pleased with what I wanted to take photos of! Photos tomorrow.
It is absolutely pitch black outside, you would think it was more like 11pm than twenty to ten. And it was pretty freezing today… more like October than August… I was very tempted to put the heating on but I couldn’t bring myself to at this time of year.

I feel fat. But I’ve been working hard at watching my diet today. It’s driven me crazy at times and Soph deserves a medal for putting up with my ranting about how I couldn’t find my camera/was hungry/wanted chocolate/had hardly any coca schmola today. I’ve been exercising too – I danced around my bedroom for 35 minutes (I made a playlist on iTunes for workout purposes) and Soph and I walked (I wheeled) to the post box at the end of my road and back. I made up a latte mug of lemon and lime tea and sipping at that has helped my hunger.

I am stressed out about my weight and my trip… I’ve gained about three pounds from what the ticker says on my weightloss page (but am due my period around this week – my cycle is all out of sync) and if possible I would like to lose those 3 pounds + 4 more before I go.

It should be doable but I’m not going to stress myself out. I’d rather weigh a few pounds more than I’d like and be healthy when I go sailing than lose a lot and be weak and sick when I’m away. This could very well be a once in a lifetime experience afterall and I am determined to enjoy it and make the most of it.

This morning I felt like I would never get back into the mindset I needed to and I won’t lie – today has been a battle against food and drink all day – but now I’ve made it through it feels as though tomorrow will be easier.

Or at least, I hope so.

If you have any tips, success stories, or words of encouragement for me I would really appreciate them!

>I’m melting…

>Not just because of the heat… I am a multitasking melt-er!

I went back to the nurse this afternoon and it went great (this was to talk about my issues with trying to deal with my weight). She told me that I look great more than once and told me repeatedly (maybe five times) that “I’m really proud of you Emma”

We got the tape measure out again and she measured my waist.

The result:

WooooooHooooooooo!!

And yes, that image IS 4.5 inches long… to give me a visual reminder.  But looking at it just then I thought that “lost” isn’t the right word as such as lost has negative connotations, losing things is bad.  And losing weight/inches off of my waist is a very good thing!

So… presenting the visual reminder, mark 2:

liberated.gif

>All change please, all change

>I had an appt with Dr B this morning. She commented that “You’ve definitely lost weight” so the fact she noticed made me feel good.

I’ve missed one, possibly two doses of meds in the past 4 weeks (can’t remember if i took them on sunday and didn’t last night because of being drunk) which she was pretty impressed by. And, as I told her, for the most part I am feeling more stable.

Her recommendations/the plan is: Vitamin P (aka prozac) is doubled to 40mg daily again as that was more theraputic for me before and it was only halved in April because of my noncompliance issues. I am also going to keep working on my diet in an effort to keep my blood sugar stable to prevent mood swings. And also she has suggested I try Evening Primrose Oil to help with my severe pms.

We also discussed my baclofen as my legs have been sore lately and hopefully a baclofen change will sort it as opposed to stronger pain meds. I already had permission to vary my dose minorly as needed +/- 10mgs each day. We have now come to the agreement that I can alter my dose as I want. up to 20 mg X 3 daily maximum to find out what works best. And maybe I will stop my nighttime dose as we also discussed taking it at the right time of day to get the most benefit and taking a higher morning dose and a lower afternoon dose ratehr than three small doses per day was something we discussed.

Permission to do whatever the hell I want with my meds – I have officially arrived as a medically high maintenance person!

>Em in ONE-derland

>

First, the swimming numbers from yesterday because I didn’t post them and I’ll forget if I don’t do it now. 18 lengths swimming (450 metres) and 6 lengths swimming (150 metres). My bad hip flared up whilst in the pool so even though I wanted to do more and probably could have I decided that I better not!

206 lb down to 197 lb
or 14 st 10lb to 14 st 1lb.
Click on “weightloss journey” over on the right read to read more but I thought this deserved it’s own entry.
9lb gone (since June 10th) which makes me:

Em in One-derland

For I never was this small before, said Alice.

>Losin’ It Yayness and… Well, More Yayness, basically

>In two weeks I’ve lost 2 and a half inches off of my waist!!!!!!

Jobs a good ‘un

If ever there was motivation to keep on keeping on, that would be it!  I’m really hopeful now that I can keep doing this and lose a decent amount of weight before I go sailing with the JST in September.

I’m aiming now to lose another inch in two weeks.

Oh and last night at Sailability I sailed an Access Dinghy by myself for the first time.  I was out for somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half.  I enjoyed being out alone and having total control although it was a little stressful.  I think it will take me a few more goes to be totally happy out there alone but I was proud of myself for sticking it out there alone and making it a good distance from the shore.

>Pleased :o)

>

I’m going out with my parents tonight and needed to buy something that fitted the bill of smart casual yet summery and cool. So I went shopping and I got a new shirt. In a size smaller then I thought I needed.

And it fits REALLY WELL!

Pleased? Why, yes. I am.