>A few more haiku

>This wasn’t what I planned (I’ll do that tomorrow) but it’s what I apparently want to write. These are haiku and I wrote them as stand alone pieces but reading them back through they do seem to work together well. I’m surprised by that as I seem to have a lot of The Stupid today. I might try writing some tanka soon but I’ll need to refresh my memory on the syllable counts of lines four and five first (I think the first three are the same as for haiku)

Day 27 of 100.

My needs cause anger
For once from others not me
Thinking it’s my fault

Disability differs
As everything else does too
One of life’s many gifts

People matter most
And most numbers matter less
Human not fiscal cost

Instantly lives alter
Today it’s me. Tomorrow you.
Expect unexpected

♥ Emma

>Own it. Love it.

>I’m sharing another poem tonight. This is day 20 of 100 days of writing and is a definite example of the words just flowing.

Partially inspired by the things to tell yourself at 14 hash tag on twitter. And mostly by the Katie: The Science of Seeing again show that was on tonight. She has an amazing attitude which reminded me of my own when the demon depression isn’t battering me. I was 17 before I started learning those lessons (having been disabled from birth) and it took me several more years to really get it down. Even now at 30 I’m still learning – to accept that I don’t have to be ok, to be strong all the time. Because life isn’t like that.

Own it. Love it
Own your scars
Your imperfections
Your flaws
Cherish your abilities
Stand up for who you are
Even if that standing is shaky
And frequently ends with you kissing the floor
Be proud of achievements
No matter how small
And don’t be afraid of saying
I can’t do it all
Know that down days will come
And things may be hard
Be proud to be different
You’re you
Totally unique
That doesn’t mean you’re weak
Society may hate you
At times
But don’t let break you
Everyone will eventually
Walk this line
Or wheel
Or crawl
Difficulties and difference
Will come to all
But for now be proud
Yes you stand out from the crowd
Own it
Love it
Shout it out loud
See my wheelchair
But notice my red hair
I have CP
But most importantly
I’m me!

♥ Emma

>The Process and The Passion

>Day 19 of 100 days of writing. A poem about writing. I hope it shows how much I really am enjoying this project but at the same time finding it very challenging. The last few days motivation has been the main issue I’ve faced but ideas and inspiration have been lacking at times. This is an issue I hadn’t anticipated. I do think I need to be making more of an effort to find time to write earlier in the day though.

The Process and The Passion

Words flow
It’s simple
Yet slow
I feel a bit
Tense
Until
They start
Writing is
More than
My art
It’s something
I hold in my
Heart
It relaxes
When it
Works
But isn’t
Without its
Quirks
It can be
A bit of a
Mess
Or cause
Lots of
Stress
So then
I do it
Less
But
I must
Confess
That’s wrong
For writing
My art
Is exciting
And of
Me
its a
Huge part
And will
always
Be
It may not
Make money
Or even be
Funny
But the
Point is
Writing I
LOVE
Yes writing can
Be a struggle
I get in a big
Muddle
Or lots of
Trouble
But when it works
It works
I can’t explain
My surprise
At the words
That before
My eyes
Come out of
My brain
It’s absurd
Yet really
Quite cool
But people
Think me a fool
For doing it
For now reward
But all else
Above
It’s reward
Is its a
Thing that I love.

♥ Emma

>The New Black

>Today I’m not at all sure this 100 days of writing thing was a good idea. I’m also really tired. Which probably accounts for part of it. The whole screwy hormones are screwy thing is probably the other half. Still, 18 days is a huge achievement for me.

The New Black

Motivation I lack
My mood is suddenly black
Or it might be better to say
It’s grey.
Because I am motivated
A little
And my mood is a
new kinda black
Not as bad
As my 2011
Great depression
But much worse
Than recently
Even earlier today
So I think I’ll say
That it’s grey
And that grey
Is the new black.

In some ways
I wish
I could give
Depression
The sack
But it’s taught me
Lessons
(in fact
Too many
To mention)
And I think
Even though
It’s taken me to
The brink
I needed
To learn
I’m not sure
For A life without
It is what
I yearn

Stability is great
But not a
guarantee
At least if your me
I’ll enjoy it while
It’s here
Be it a
Day month
Or year
I might seem
Like I have no
Cares
But for me
Stability scares
Because I can’t
Explain
What happens in
My brain
Which means
Sometimes
I cry lots
And others
I try lots
And succeed
Suddenly from
My brain
Chains
I’m freed

Today I’ll enjoy it
Remember some
Blips are normal
Moods are not ever
Going to be formal

I may say I’m happy
But act a bit flappy
Good days are here
But what if
Tomorrow
They all disappear?
And days
Are all grey
Or even worse
(and this
would be a curse)
Black
Came back

♥ Emma

>Snow

>Day 17 of 100 days of writing

I had thought last night that I’d probably end up writing something about numbers today. The number 17 has always been if not my favourite number one I’ve got a thing about. As a teenager playing bingo or other number games at school I’d almost always pick 17. And I longed to be 17 because in my mind that was a great age. That was the age when it would all come together for me.

Anyway… I didn’t end up writing about numbers. Mostly because The White Stuff is falling and I wrote about that.

Snow

Crisp
White
Cold
Beautiful

Snow is falling
All around
The world
disappears
Just whiteness
Remains

Fun
Freezing
Simple
Wet

Snowmen
spring up
Sledges
appear
Fights are
A good thing
Just once a year.

Freeing
Wonderful
Magical
Happiness

For some
Accidents happen
For others
Independence
Disappears

Desolate
Limiting
Dangerous
Disabling

Wheels and
Snow are
Not a good
Mix
Leaving the house
Is too
Much to
Risk

♥ Emma

>I Should Be

>Day 14 of 100!

A bit of bad news and very high pain levels led to an accidental 3 hour nap and my not being my usual self.

I Should Be

I should be

I should be writing
I should be sleeping
I should be doing the washing.
I should be doing my physio.
I should be sending emails
Exercising, knitting or reading a book.

There are many things
I should be doing
But I’m not

I’m sat here
Back hurts
Spasming muscles
And spasticity
In my legs
Like you
Wouldn’t believe

Bad news hits
My mood is
Sad.

But meds mean
I’m not in bits
Without them
I’d really be that
Bad.

My body hurts
One way
My mind
Another

Both conspire
To stop me
In my tracks

Suddenly both
Motivation
And
Ability
I lack

So yes
I should be bettering myself
I should be going to the bank
I should be visiting friends
I should be productive
I should be hundreds of things
And right now I’m not.

My conditions
Are permanent
Today is bad

Tomorrow may
Be good
Not should
Just could

No guarantees
And not choice for me

The list is
Ignored
It’ll wait till
Then

I focus on
One
I should be

LIVING

>A Few Haiku #poetry #100daysofwriting #haiku #amwriting

>One of the things I’ve been hoping that will come out of this 100 days of writing project is that I’ll be stretched as a writer. And that’s definitely happening, the daily commitment is tough to maintain. But I’m enjoying it and I think the discipline of it is helping me a lot. I want to be stretched as a writer in other ways though.

One of the things I’ve always struggled with is set forms of poetry. And particularly haiku. I get confused by the syllables and knowing how many a word has. I really want to get the hang of it because I think it’s something that could help me with all my writing (in terms of pacing and rhythm) not just poetry.

So for day 12 of 100 I’ve attempted a few haiku.

Haiku rhythm confuses
And syllables elude me
Words meaning three lines

Sunlight on water
Birds flying in bluest sky
Perfect spring picnic

Cold crisp crack and crunch
Bleak midwinter has arrived
Sharp snow surrounds all

Red orange golden
Every leaf on the ground
Autumn’s presence descends

>Decisions #100daysofwriting #amwriting #poetry

>I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about various things over the weekend which has inspired this poem. My thinking hasn’t resulted in any real decisions as yet. It seems I can write about them but not make them today.

Decisions

Definitely

Maybe

Slowly

Quickly

Life flashing by
Information hits me
Coming from all angles
Blink and you’ll miss it

Up

Down

In

Out

Don’t know what to do
Information overload
There’s a need to filter
But scared to miss out

Today

Tomorrow

Me

You

Decisions decisions
Choices abound
Reasons for this
Reasons for that

Yes

No

Left

Right

Is it a good idea?
Or is it a bad?
Too many choices
Drives me mad

Forward

Back

Inside

Out

Life and death
Worries made worse
Easier ones
Are still a curse

Jeans

Skirt

Meat

Vegetarian

Responsibility runs through almost all
A heavy weight to bear
At the same time
I can’t always care

Black

White

Or those that come in shades of gray

More

Less

They won’t ever go away

>Service #100daysofwriting #customerservice #poetry #amwriting

>Day 8 of my 100 days of writing. 1 week down, 13 and a bit to go (having just worked that out I’m glad I didn’t do so earlier). Today I have experienced good service. And also some bad service this evening where promises weren’t lived up to. It was very much a no harm, no foul situation but it left me frustrated.

This was what I came up with for my writing. I guess you might call it a poem of sorts.

Service

Smart sensible strong supportive service
Easy economical eager established everywhere
Ready raring responsive revitalising recommended
Viable varied valuable vital village-like
Isolated instrumental inestimable intense invaluable
Caring complex complete clear cornerstone
Everyday everywhere everything service matters

>Just Trying

>

I wrote this poem back in 2005 and thought it would be worth fishing out and sharing as a part of One Month Before Heartbreak.
I’m just trying
To be me
So much more than
The girl they see
I might have this thing
They call CP
But that isn’t
What defines me.
I am different from you
But I think I have it best
I need a wheelchair and always will.
Now I am different
But eventually
You will be
The same as me.
Thanks to the great equaliser called life
One day you too will experience this kind of strife
When you are old
You will understand what you’ve been told
But for now
I will try and explain it somehow.
Yet it is difficult to show
That which I innately know.
I have to spend
My life of wheels
My CP will never end.
I can live with it
Or long to be without it
The choice is mine
To be made with help divine.
When I was a child
I wanted to die
Life with CP
Seemed too much for me.
Time heals
What was once a punishment
Isn’t any longer
Instead it makes me stronger.
If when you get old
Your health time steals
And you must spend your life on wheels.
Remember what you have been told.
Hold your head up high
It will become normal as time flies by
As you learn how to cope
Don’t lose hope.
I’m just trying to be me.
Can’t you see?
Being me
Happens to include
This thing called CP.

By Emma Crees, A Writer In A Wheelchair