Quiet

I’ve been so quiet on here and on facebook (and probably quieter than usual but not totally quiet on twitter) that a friend actually text me this morning to check I was OK because she was worried. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve also not been reading so Goodreads updates haven’t been auto posting. (Pro tip: it’s only when I go totally quiet on twitter that you need to worry. My heart belongs to twitter more than any other social network except maybe instagram)

I’m OK.

I just haven’t had a lot I feel like sharing lately.  I’m pretty stressed about a few things and I’ve had several pieces of bad news about other people which has hit me a bit. I don’t think depressed is the right word but it almost feels like I’ve had a persistent low level depression for a week or two.

But I’m hanging in and I’m OK.

I was at CAB this morning and now I’m not there again for nearly two weeks. I’ve also told some other people I do voluntary stuff with that I won’t be too available. It’s time to recharge my batteries.

I have a few fun things planned (and there’s a lot of time on trains involved so hopefully that’ll make me read again). And in the between times I plan to spend a lot of time watching DVDs, knitting, doing decopatch, lying on the sofa and reading.

 

Safe Space

A couple of weeks ago, a new collaborative blog – Safe Space – was launched.

For the past year or so I’ve been unconvinced by the concept of “safe space” on the internet – a space where people can be free to share/be who and what they are completely without fear of abuse, hate, ridicule, triggers or trolling.  It seems like too big a goal both with how massive the internet and it’s trolling problems have become and the fact that for some people what is acceptable and OK can be what’s triggering, abusive or upsetting for others. Online (and in person) safe spaces are a worthwhile goal and one that is needed but the implementation seems problematic to me (especially when some communities like the disability one can’t even agree on what’s the correct language to use)

But I completely agree with the idea of Safe Space, the blog and I’m pleased that I’m going to be part of the team.

Jess, who founded the site wrote:

Here at Safe Space we understand that it’s hard as f**k being a girl. Periods, sexism and trying to put on eyeliner can be all in a days work.

Safe Space is a place where a group of women bring you posts about trying to hold their shit together. Talking honestly about mental health, feminism, sexuality and other important life stuff.

No judgment, no hate, because it’s already tough enough being a girl.

I’m going to be posting there every other Friday.  I had a fair amount of self doubt about doing so but the other writers are a  brilliant, friendly and supportive bunch who have been very encouraging and supporting. And I’m really enjoying the posts that they have shared.

The first week the site launched we each shared – What Makes Me, Me. That was a tough subject to write about as it needed more than a bio. But I think most of us found that.

Mine turned out to be a little different than planned. I had it written and then on my way home the night before I realised I needed to make a small tweak. Then when I logged online I saw an old school friend had died and ended up making more changes than I had planned.

What Makes Me, Me – Emma

My second post went live on the site yesterday morning. I spent most of the day out doing errands then having lunch with a friend in Oxford etc.  I came home to my twitter notifications full of really positive and encouraging feedback.

That post was about self worth and is called Because I’m Worth It.

 

Self Care Sunday

For a while last year (at least until the end of April) I wrote a blog post every Sunday called Self Care Sunday in which I detailed everything I’d done that week to take care of myself.  And then I got bored of writing the updates and assuming the habit of thinking about self care had stuck stopped writing them.  Pretty much immediately self care slipped down the agenda too.

I don’t really want to get back into writing a weekly blog post on the subject.  Often there isn’t a lot to say on the subject.  And I know from comments that people would make that what looks like self care to me doesn’t always meet other’s definition.

But I do need to get back into the habit of taking better care of myself – of both my physical and mental health.  So as blogging did feel like it helped with that I’m going to compromise and plan to blog about self care once or twice each month.  Perhaps that will allow me to focus more on it.

At the moment I’m sitting here drawing a blank trying to think of anything I’ve done this week that could be considered self care.  I had lots of plans and ideas for things I was going to start from 1st Jan.  But then I was full of a stinking cold and couldn’t do it.

I guess it is self care that I’ve not beat myself up about it and that now I’ve gotten better and got back into my daily routine I’m planning to go back to those goals and do them again.  And daily blogging is probably self care too.

But neither of them are the big things I’d hoped to be able to blog about.  That’s life though isn’t it?

I would welcome any self care suggestions people have.

Self Care Sunday

This will be my last Self Care Sunday post for a while.  Having written one of these every week for four months I’ve decided to take a break for at least May so I can do other things with my blog.

Good things from this week:

I took part in the readathon.  I didn’t get anywhere near as much reading does as I have in previous ones but I’m mostly OK with that.

I spent today with a friend and we did something I’ve wanted to do for ages (one of my Twenty Things to do by the end of this year).  We went to the Botanic Gardens in Oxford and had a long look round and then went for a late lunch at Prezzo. Finally as I had some time before my train we went to Waterstones and I bought 4 books. For those keeping track despite deciding not buy books in April I have now purchased 6 of the things in that time.

I’ve either spent time with or had contact with several friends I’d been out of touch with for a while (weeks/months)

 

Self Care Sunday

A better week for self care this week but still not the best I’ve ever had.

I’ve enjoyed spending time with friends, particularly with new friends on a couple of days and I’ve been wriitng. Mostly the blog entries I’ve shared here but one other thing too. And the plan to get me some time out is continuing to be worked on.  I keep nearly pinning it down and then changing my mind again.

There’s a possibility that I have a pretty awesome opportunity coming my way but I won’t know for definite for just under two months. It’s looking extremely likely though and I’m pleased.

And the first sail of the year was this week.  It was brilliant.  I was sore (stretch in my legs) pretty much immediately that I was in the boat but i decided to stick it out and try to work through it – it seemed to go off after a while but then came back when I had a twitchy spasm which isn’t unusual for sailing.  I was surprised how much I enjoyed it because I’d not been that keen to go.

I’m not sure there’s much else to say and I’m tired (it’s late!) so I’ll leave this here.

Self Care Sunday

I don’t think I’ve really done anything that counts as self care this week or even really thought about it.

I’ve been looking into planning some fun things and other things I’ve been wanting to do but I’ve not made any definitive arrangements yet.  Waiting to hear back from some people and slightly stressing about money. Not because I can’t afford to do everything I want to (because I suspect I can) but because I don’t know how much some things are going to cost and I may need to replace my wheelchair batteries soon and just, yeah.

But I think I should probably just suck it up and book some of this stuff rather than stressing myself.

More next week when hopefully I’ll have something worth reporting.

Self Care Sunday

This post was written Saturday afternoon and scheduled to post Sunday morning.

In the spirit of Self Care I’m taking today off of the Internet.  I’ve been trying to do that at least once a month but it’s usually been days when I’ve been out and about for most of the day.  Busy and fun and a break but not a huge break because I’ve been full on.  I enjoy it but it’s not a massive break.

Not today.  I’m going to do those things I’ve been meaning to for ages but not got round to. Lie in bed and read a whole book, watch a film and sing along while doing some crochet and then go visit my family for an Easter roast dinner.

In short I’m going to recharge my batteries.

Happy Easter!

Self Care Sunday

Bullet point form because I’m feeling lazy and can’t be bothered with anything else

  • I have done substantially better with taking my Sertraline this week
  • Yesterday was a very busy but fun day and I got to meet a twitter friend for drinks. I think we’ll do it again and could be good friends
  • On the subject of friends I’m trying to arrrange to meet up with someone I’ve not seen in ten or eleven years. I’m not sure it’ll come off but I hope it will
  • I have treated myself to yarn that’s probably completely inappropriate for the project I plan to use it for but I really love – it’s fun looking.
  • I completely avoided the bookshops when I was in Reading. I did go in Smiths but mostly just to walk through as the road I normally walk down was being dug up.  Reading down my TBR seems to be going well.
  • And I’ve made some healthier food choices this week. Not enough but some.

Self Care Sunday

I think next Sunday may well be the last of these Self Care Sunday entries. Every week for three months is a pretty good run after all. And I yet again feel like there isn’t much to say. I had been thinking about doing this through April though so I’ll play it by ear I guess.

I just took my sertraline for I think the first time since Monday. I deliberately didn’t take it Tuesday because I forgot first thing in my rush to catch the train and by the time I was back in the hotel I’d just had a glass of fizz (what I assume was prosecco but I didn’t see the bottle) and wasn’t sure the alcohol and meds combo was a good idea. No idea what happened Weds and when I tried to take it with my tea Thursday night I couldn’t findl the blister pack I thought was in my bag and never thought of it when  I got home. And I just haven’t since then. Good bad.  Good that I’ve taken it, bad that I’ve been so lax.

 

Not sure what else there is to say about this week. I enjoyed London and did something I wanted to do back in November but wasn’t able to do. I wasn’t able to see my friend I’d planned to and do what I’d planned to do this time which was very frustrating.  I may go back to London for the day and do that soon, probably by myself.  I’m not sure yet.

And I’ve been reading a fair amount and finally (yesterday) watched a film I’ve been meaning too for several week if not longer.

 

 

Self Care Sunday

I have for the most part had a good week.

I’m not sure I’ve done too great at the taking care of myself part but I have taken my antidepressant everyday except one where I went to take it and couldn’t remember if I had or not. I was pretty sure I hadn’t but not sure. Anyway after much faffing  I decided to take one because I used to be on 100mg rather than the 50mg I am now so if I had taken two (slim chance) it wouldn’t matter. But I forgot to do that.

Yesterday afternoon I felt very low  about a very small thing- but I kept reminding myself that I was exhausted after spending the morning with family and the entirity of the day before in London so that wouldn’t have helped me deal with it properly.

When I was in Sainsburys yesterday lunchtime I saw that a book series I love had a new one out. It was in hardback and usually I wait for the paperback (even if I get it on Kindle) but I treated myself to the Kindle version and I’ve been enjoying reading it.

And (this is going to get it’s own blog but just in passing) I pushed myself to be brave do something I’ve been wanting to despite the “I don’t know if I like this” moment I had when I got there.  I was really glad I did because I enjoyed it.