I’m not sure what to write about today. There have been lots of little things going on like continuing to take my meds everyday (I have approx 8 days left on iron tablets for the anaemia. That will get easier after that because those are my only three times a day med) and taking a break from my wheelchair in the middle of most days. And working on picking my battles and when to let things go and move on. But I don’t have a lot to say on the little things – in part because it feels too soon. The picking my battles thing is something I probably should blog about. Just not today. Mostly because that would defeat the object of letting things go.
I killed my wheelchair batteries off last Monday and ended up walking home incredibly slowly to ensure they didn’t die completely. The good thing about that was it meant I bumped into an acquaintance. I really, really don’t know them well and hadn’t seen them for years. It was nice to chat and they shared a piece of information with me that’s been making me think more on a subject I’d vaguely wondered about then dismissed. That could be good for me. Maybe.
Truly I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things this week. One of which is this occasional address by the awesome Tim Minchin. I should probably act on some of his points. In fact, not probably, definitely. But I must also admit to being a little disappointed it wasn’t a beat poem like Storm or a song. That would have been epic but probably would have diluted its message.
Just a quickie this week because Downton Abbey is on in a few and I’m trying not to watch TV and be on the iPad at the same time.
Having written last week about feeling like a failure I’ve been trying to keep that big picture in mind more. One of the things I’ve been doing is writing a list of what I’ve done/achieved each day. It’s very useful because yesterday I did very little but I’m not beating myself up about it because I know I’ve achieved a lot this week I might otherwise have overlooked.
Plus, knowing I’m going to be writing it down means I’ve eaten a proper dinner each day and taken all my meds. I’ve not achieved that for a few weeks.
I feel better this week.
I feel like self care has been a failure this week and I’ve not achieved any of the taking care of myself goals I’d set for this week.
I wanted to eat healthier and I haven’t. In fact a lot of my eating this week could be considered binge like. Or at least some of it.
I wanted to spend less time online and I haven’t. I have reduced my online time a little but not every day and not the large amounts I wanted too.
I’ve not got my med compliance back to 100% either
But when I stop and think about it:
I know that whereas its been my habit for years to pick up a sausage and bacon baguette in town and being it home for lunch up to three times a week, I’ve not done that this month. In fact the only times I’ve grabbed food out have been when I’ve needed to have something before going to something else. It’s not hugely healthier but its a baby step. And does it really matter if I ate an entire packet of chocolate digestives in eight hours earlier this week? No it doesn’t. Because its not like I do that everyday.
I realise that I have spent less time online and some of the time I have been online has been doing very constructive things. I’ve also been managing to update my blog more often this month and that’s something which has slipped in the last few months. I’ve not liked that but not felt able to do much about it. This is my 11th blog entry of the month and I’m pretty sure that’s more entries than I’ve managed in a month for a long time.
Meds is getting there. And I’ve a plan to help with that this week.
It’s that damn big picture again. I wish I didn’t lose sight of it so easily.