>A Chest of Drawers

>I seem to have gotten my fiction writing mojo back, yay! I’m very pleased :-). I’m less pleased about the fact I seem to have lost my reading mojo but, well, you can’t have it all.

Something else I’m pleased with is this piece. I started off wanting to work more on description, particularly of a setting. I’d also been thinking about an analogy I used a while ago to describe what the spasticity in my quads is like at the very worst times. This seemed to take on a life of its own as I wrote but for better or worse is the end result. It needs a better title!

Day 44 of 100 days of writing

A Chest of Drawers

Over in a dark corner of a nondescript hall there stood a set of drawers. The drawers were dusty and had a neglected air about them. That was unsurprising for as busy as that house was with people continually going in and out, here there and everywhere, it was weeks since anyone had ventured into that corner.

The drawers weren’t particularly special – cane drawers that appeared woven. Darker than the word cane would lead you to believe with a black metal frame. The unit is tall, reaching almost to the ceiling, with the option to add an extension on to give more storage. Nobody knows who bought the set, as far as anyone can remember its always been there. But whoever they were they must have been optimistic on the day they bought it as the extension found its way into their trolley. Half hidden in pieces underneath the unit it lies, never to be used.

The drawers themselves are very deep. It’s difficult to see everything they contain without taking them out completely. And once you done that, finding what you wanted and several other lost things if you’re lucky, it’s even more difficult to put the drawer back in place. It’s not unusual for there to be a gap in the unit for months, waiting for someone with the patience to make the multiple attempts needed to get it back in place.

Nothing special was kept in these drawers. They held the things people had forgotten about. Broken things they claimed they’d fix “soon” but never would. The “it might come in useful someday” items and those in the “it was too good an offer to pass up, I’m sure I’ll find a use” category. Unloved, unwanted and unnecessary things.

Most of the drawers were unique in contents. Continue a mix of things you’d be unlikely to find in any other house across the land.

Except one.

The one that had pride of place. Place most often being the floor.

This was the drawer that appears in some way, shape or form in every house. It’s the mess of wires. Old phone chargers, one for a camera and an unidentifiable USB cable. A laptop charger or two and – wait a minute – is that the electric hook up from that caravan we got rid of ten years ago? Controllers from a games console believed long gone and some headphones (broken of course) complete the mess.

It’s impossible to count just how many leads are in that drawer. A veritable haven for old cables keeping them safe from the dreaded landfill. And a walk through the history of electrical goods for anyone taking the time to look through it properly. Which no one ever did, instead just tearing through it quickly looking for whatever needed before giving up in frustration.

The wires and cables have become a living, growing being you see. All wrapped round each other and tangled together. The older ones watching over the new and those that still worked guarding the fragile and broken ones.

If someone hunting through the drawer grabbed something and pulled hoping to find a way of unravelling the tangle they’d find it impossible. Pulling just caused them to tighten up even more and made more of a mess. Finding an actual end was a bit of a mission within itself. And even if a searcher did find an end it rarely did any good.

everyone who searched would end up frustrated and empty handed. This was a drawer who meant business. The cables, leads and wires were a family. And they were happy where they were. In a dusty chest of drawers in a neglected corner of an otherwise busy house.

They remained in that drawer for over forty years periodically welcoming new members. No one could ever separate them,

♥ Emma

>The Man With The Needles

>I’m going to see my neurologist tomorrow in spasticity clinic. Hopefully this will be a joint appt with my physio (it’s meant to be but the track record on that isn’t good) to discuss whether I need more Botox. And for me to have the jabs if so. I suspect that will be the case. I also wonder if my baclofen will be upped.

I described that to a friend as “going to see the man with the needles” last week and thought that was an intriguing idea for writing.

Today is day 35 of 100 which feels like a huge number of days achieved. Especially as I almost forgot to write at all.

The Man With The Needles

“I’ve got to go and see the man with the needles tomorrow”

“you’ve got to go and see who?”

“the man with the needles.”

“oh… Ok and who is he when he’s at home?”

“I told you. He’s a man. With needles.”

“Right. That’s cleared things up.”

“I think he specialises in needles you see.”

“Does he not have a name?”

“He does”

“Which is?” You might be out there but I doubt even you call him The Man With The Needles to his face.”

“It’s… It’s… Oh god what is it?! I know this, I know I do.”

“You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?”

“No… Give me a minute, it’ll come.”

“Told you your nickname habit would get you in trouble someday.”

“Oh Jesus this is pathetic, even for me.”

“Whatcha gonna do? Walk in there and ask for The Man With The Needles, hope they know who you mean?”

“I might have to. Oh god this is going to be embarrassing.”

“it is. Bet they laugh. I would.”

“yeah, thanks for that.”

“So anyway, what does he do with these needles this specialist guy? Its gotta be something skilled to hear you talk so what is it? Tattoos, piercing, fillers, Botox?”

“He sells them”

“He sells them?”

“Yup he sells sewing needles.”

♥ Emma

>Details on my new seating

>Two weeks ago I went to Wheelchair Services for a new assessment. Two very productive hours later I left with a completely pimped chair and all new seating.

And it was so easy.  I didn’t have to fight for anything and didn’t need to argue my case at all – the therapist simply saw me and talked to me and made suggestions.  That was so different to my last assessment where I thought I was constantly having to push for things (and where I didn’t get what I needed looking back).  I’d actually made my Dad take the afternoon off work to take me so I had back up – and had given him strict instructions as to what we needed to get a definite answer to etc etc.  Turns out I could have gone by myself.  But it was absolutely lovely to get there just the right amount of early and to leave as soon as the appointment was over – and that the only stops on the way home were the ones we wanted to make.  I’m very grateful for hospital transport but it does make for a very long faffy day usually!

The first thing she did was give me a new wheelchair cushion.  It’s a jay2 and she added an insert to the left side to level out my hips (my left hip was previously lower than the right). This led to the discovery that the curve in my spine is high up and with level hips, my shoulders aren’t level.  Nothing can be done about that.  She also added a pommel to the front of the cushion to help me keep my legs/knees apart.

The cushion is so high that I then needed my footplates raising.  And if I’m honest in the past two weeks I’ve found they weren’t raised high enough – must get my dad to shove them up a bit more.  I know how to do it but I need to be sat in the chair to make it work and that’s not going to happen if I try!

The frame of my chair needed to be dropped lower on the wheels (or the wheels were changed to a higher position on the chair, more likely). That was to make it easier for me to reach the wheels and push myself.  With the new cushion I felt like I could reach but it wasn’t as easy – I had to reach down rather than putting my hands there and they were in exactly the right place.  It then became obvious that my casters needed repositioning as moving the wheels had left me with a very bucketed seat which isn’t right for me.  We won’t talk about the amount of yarn and other crap she pulled out of the workings when she took them off to move them.  I knew there was a load there but I hadn’t realised it was that much.  Cue the OT commenting that that might be why it wasn’t very manueverable. In an amused kinda way.

In terms of the backrest of my chair (I already had a jay3 backrest) laterals were added.  I pretty much knew that I needed laterals but had anticipated that this would be where the problem and the needing to fight would be.  This was due to the fact that all the physios I saw over the summer (and the fact that serial casting requires two people meant there were a lot) tended to follow up remarks about the lack of support my chair gave me with a comment as to my lack of arm rests.  But as I finally pointed out to them, arm rests do not give support on your sides and as that was what they were talking about my lack of arm rests was irrelevant.  The physio in question agreed with me about that but it had made me apprehensive about the discussion when I got to wheelchair services.  I need not have been because there was never any question of my not having laterals and arm rests didn’t get mentioned at all.

The laterals in question are swing away ones.  They have a catch to move them out of the way as needed.  I’ve also found that they move if I deliberately lean to one side (to reach something) although not as easily.  I’m not sure if that’s meant to be the case with swing away laterals or not.  It’s a little annoying if I’m honest but I could see it as something that’s meant to happen.  Possibly to stop people hurting themselves but also as a memory prompt – if it moves when I’m not deliberately reaching over then I realise that I’m tipping to one side (the left almost always) and can right myself.  I like them, they help a lot and they are really inobtrusive, hardly noticable at all.

The final thing that was done to my chair (for now) was the addition of a spine align kit.  This amuses me because it sounds all high tech and complicated and like some sort of painful metal frame.  But it’s two foam wedges with velcro on them placed between the plastic shell of the backrest and it’s cushion.  These help the cushion mold to the shape of my back more and make it more comfortable.

In a few weeks I will be getting something fitted to my footplates which might stop my legs going into extension when I wheel.  I’ll believe that when I see it (it working I mean) but I’m willing to try it.  I think they’re called Skate Shoes but googling can’t find them.  It’s something shoes anyway.  They are screwed on top of footplates and you put your foot/shoe in them and they’re shoe shaped.  Usually people have them to stop their feet slipping backwards off of the footplate.  I’m having a cut down version (hence the delay) put on the wrong way round in an attempt to stop my legs going forwards.  I very briefly tried a calf strap but as I told the OT it hadn’t in the past it didn’t work. (she believed me but had asked me to try it so she could see what happens)

The fact that these are called something shoes was a cause of (slight) amusement as we were leaving the hospital when my Dad said he didn’t think it would work as I have enough trouble putting shoes on and wouldn’t be able to put these things on too.

At the moment I’m not getting a new chair but there is a brief possibility I might find I need one.  The one that was discussed very briefly was XLT by Invacare which is a rigid chair and looks great.  Altering my seating and giving me a new chair at the same time wasn’t thought to be a good idea as it would make troubleshooting any problems doubly complicated.  As much as I would like a new chair… I’m thinking it probably won’t prove to be necessary. Sadly.

I’m loving my new seating but still getting used to it really.  I did find the fact that the chair I have (an Invacare Action 3) retails for £495 and the seating I have (a jay2 cushion and a jay3 backrest with laterals) retails for over £800 a little hard to get my head around but there you have it.

>Don’t Look Back In Anger

>I went for my wheelchair assessment on Wednesday.  And it went really well.  The details and all that are for another entry as I’d like for that to be a positive entry. For now lets just say that I’m trialling a new seating configuration and the question of whether I need a new chair as well is on the backburner at present.  So far I like my new seating but I think there maybe a few niggles which need ironing out in the long run.

The thing is though I can’t help feeling a little frustrated and even angry.  I was assessed there in 2009 and I told them certain problems I am having.  Problems which the new seating I’ve just received is hoped will help with.  In 2009 however I had to really fight and justify to get what I did.  And then on the day I went for it to be fitted the therapist commented that I was tipping to one side and not sat even (which was something I had told them about before that).  The response was to get me standing and rearranged and then sit me down again.  I was told I’d need to be care to make sure I did that when I got in the chair and sent on my merry way.

The thing is though I do so many transfers in a day (I tried to count one day but couldn’t keep track) that I can’t always remember to do that.  And if I’m tired or ill it goes out the window.  Plus even within my chair I can’t keep my body in that correct position.

When I went to see my physio for the first time in July she commented on my position within my chair and said it was the cause of a lot of my back pain.  Something she asked me was why I’d not gone back to wheelchair services to tell them and ask for help.  The consultant in spasticity clinic commented on the same thing.  I gave them both the same answer – I hadn’t seen any need or point in it as it had been like that from the day I’d got it.

I’m hopeful that the problems I’m having can be resolved for the most part and I’m very pleased with recent events.  But part of me is looking at how things have been handled now and comparing them with what happened before.  And feeling a little bit angry and frustrated about it and about two years of pain etc.

There is little point to it I know and I’m trying to keep the Oasis lyric in mind and let it go.  It’s just not as easy as I’d like.  I have a friend who tells me he doesn’t let things bother him and just gets on with them.  I wish I could do that or that I could learn too.  But he can’t explain how he does it, he just does.  And actually I think sometimes you’ve gotta take the bad with the good.

Don’t look back in anger,
I heard you say
At least not today

>Interesting Times

>Lately I feel like I live in Interesting Times as in the Chinese saying.  It’s certainly been an interesting week.

Monday my powerchair broke down with no warning. In the middle of Sainsbury’s car park. In the drizzle. Although luckily it wasn’t raining as such at that point in time. I tried to talk a Sainsbury’s employee through putting my chair into freewheel but he couldn’t do it (whether my instructions weren’t right/clear enough or he didn’t force it hard enough I don’t know) so my plan of getting a taxi back here fell through.

I called my parents house on the off chance someone was there not expecting there to be. But my sister had had an accident and been in minor injuries with my mum for a few hours. They’d just got back. I also managed to get hold of a local wheelchair engineer and he came for my chair and mum came for me.  It did make me smile to see his van turn in one direction towards me and mum’s car turn in the opposite direction towards me at the same time.  Talk about the arrival of the cavalry!

My chair has since been fixed, costing much less than I expected and came home yesterday so that’s good. I don’t think there’s much left that could need replacing that hasn’t already been done at least once.  It reminds me of that episode of Only Fools and Horses where Trigger gets rewarded for having the same broom for some huge number of years but then adds “I’ve had 6 new heads and 7 new handles but still it’s not bad for the same broom” or some such. Only I don’t think my chair is quite that bad…

Thursday I felt lousy on and off all day. To such an extent that the ambulance crew who took me to my appt in spasticity clinic presented me with a just in case sick bowl (I had told them I didn’t feel properly sick but they insisted) and tissues. Late night, early morning and lots of stress me thinks. My alarm didn’t go off. On the plus side having said they were taking another patient to the JR first they then took me to OCE first instead. Win.

I was just about an hour early and wanted to go over to the main building in search of proper food.  The receptionist said “no please stay in the building he’s running to time and you might go in early”. And I then went in just over an hour LATE. (which he didn’t even realise. his nurse apologised to me and he went “oh are we very late?”) I chatted a bit to another lady in the waiting room and her carer (that started because I asked about the over the knee stripy socks she was wearing – v.cool) and did a load of writing on my iPad.

The consultant said that some patients only need one dose of botox and then casting. I’ve had a very good response and my ankles are improved. He went on to say with some patients he thinks definitely repeat the botox and others he thinks definitely not. And me being me I fall slap bang in the middle.  We had some discussion about that.

End result being that he wants me to go back “in a couple of weeks” to see him and my physio in a joint appt as she knows me better. If I feel I’m getting worse in the meantime I can ring his secretary and should be able to go back within a week or so for more jabs. I don’t have a date to go back but when I said “are we talking before or after Christmas?” he said almost definitely before.

Oh and one of his comments was about it being a bit of a schlep from where I live to his clinic every 3 – 4 months if they keep giving me the jabs. This amused me because it really isn’t but going back in two or so weeks really is. Not least because this clinic is meant to be a joint clinic with the physios – alternating between my physio and a specific colleague of hers.  I did see the colleague floating around but not to speak to and she wasn’t in the room during my appt.

I have however been using the term schlep ever since. I find I like it.

Good news to end on:

I have most of the paralympic tickets I applied for but not all. And (this is the best bit!) I have tickets to both the opening and closing ceremonies!!!

One of my besties who just lives about ten mins drive from me also has tickets to the closing ceremonies. Also a wheelchair space. And also in the same category as I have. Hows that for a coincidence?!

>Changing my meds

>Mostly for my own records because otherwise I won’t remember when this happened and it might be useful at some point in the future.

Went to the Dr today.  I was very nervous about going to talk depression for some reason and threw up before I left. Not that unusual when I’m anxious but not nice. At all.  It wasn’t my usual GP but a different one (who I asked to see as my GP was unavailable and I’d seen him recently and knew he was easy to talk to and also good).  The different in perspective and opinion on my meds was interesting

Baclofen increased to 40mg a day (well, script was for between 20 and 40mg a day depending on what I think I need, have mostly been taking 30 but Dr says up it to 40 permanently).  I think I’m now on 3 for 3 for Drs appt when “increased spasticity” has been noted down. Possibly 4 for 4 if we count the out of hours GP I saw on Sunday who commented on my spasticity levels. Regardless of the actual number, I hope my next visit will have “slightly reduced spasticity” on my notes.  Or at least, here’s hoping.

Fluoxetine stopped.  He was going to increase it as he said the dose I was on was too little for someone with chronic depression let alone with my current problems.  But then I told him about the “fluoxetine increases my spasticity” theory and he immediately said “change it”.  That’s why my baclofen hasn’t been properly increased as the hope is the lack of fluoxetine will improve my spasticity too and is the difference in opinion I was mentioning. My regular GP had been of the opinion that all antidepressants (well, I assume she meant SSRIs) would probably have the same affect and I get too much out of it to consider changing.  So my prozac princess days are over. No med taper needed which surprises me.  For some stupid reason it feels weird and as if I should take a ceremonial “last fluoxetine”.

Sertraline added.  New antidepressant.  100 mg a day which is the “middle dose”.  That’s meant to be quite a “clean” drug with few side effects.  However the leaflet lists “depression” as a common side effect which has been making me laugh all day.  We shall see.

As I eluded to above I was at the out of hours GP on Sunday.  I was absolutely convinced I had a UTI having woken up with symptoms and a bad pain in my back over my kidney.  The dipstick didn’t show enough leukocytes apparently to be a definite UTI but that could have been because of how much I’d drunk and she was wondering if the pain was a muscle spasm. Plus she said I have a curve in my spine right by the pain.  She gave my antibiotics just in case (Cefalexin which I’ve nearly finished).  This whole thing led to me having a melt down on Sunday after I got home about how I was a burden, had wasted the drs time and ruined my parents day.  I’d already been struggling with my depression but that was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak and had my mum going “either you’re really ill or you need to go back to the Drs about your depression.”

My GP informs me that what I did on Sunday was The Right Thing To Do.  UTI’s freak me out which I told him (he agreed they are nasty) and with my having two v.close, one of which needed two courses of antibiotics to shift and my history he suggested I do a course of prophylactic antibiotics again.  Which as I said to him I’d not wanted to ask for but had been wondering if I needed.  So we have Nitrofurantoin added in for 3 months (100 mg once daily).

Oh and my Mefenamic Acid, Codeine and Paracetamol escaped the appointment untouched!

>In which CP makes things complicated

>Sometimes being disabled is soooo complicated.

Yesterday, I saw my GP.

When I was waiting to go in something made me jump – and then spasm (my CP means I jump really easily and jumping usually triggers spasms of some form).  This woman sitting opposite me went “oooh that made you jump” which was apparently the funniest thing ever because she burst out laughing as she said it.  Pretty upsetting.

My GP asked how I was when I went in and I said “OK” but I was feeling down because of that. Luckily she knows me and went “what does that mean?” So I told her, generally I’m good but this has just happened.  We had a bit of a chat about that and she said supportive things.  One of the things we said was that people might find it funny but it’s my life and that’s not funny from that point of view.

Then she started asking about my antidepressants and my muscle relaxants and I was all “hang on this isn’t what I’ve come for!!” Which she said she knew but she wanted to talk about it while I was there.  I think the decision has been made that I will remain on antidepressants permanently.  It was something she brought up and as I said to her I was diagnosed practically 8 years ago and have spent most of the time since on antidepressants and maybe that’s just the way it’s going to have to be from now on.  Her comparison was that people who have high blood pressure take medication almost all the time and it’s just the same.  That didn’t bother me as much as similar comparisons have before (although if anyone ever does the physio for CP is like being a ballet dancer comparison again I may have to scream at them).  I do think my depression is a lot more stable than it’s been for a long time which is good.

On the subject of Baclofen I said that my spasticity is really bad at the moment. Which got a “so I can see, best make a note of that!!” type reaction.  My left leg was locked out with no bend in it at all.  I think she was very surprised at how bad it was.  That’s when things got interesting

She looked at my feet and said they look great but I should probably have another two months of Terbinafine to really knock the infection of the head.  But did I think the Terbinafine was affecting my spasticity? Which really confused me for a moment as for some reason I thought she was suggesting it might be improving it. Which she wasn’t.  But what she was actually suggesting was that the combination of the 3 (Baclofen, Fluoxetine and Terbinafine) was doing something to the levels in my blood.  “oh yes” says I “I was told it might increase the level of Fluoxetine in my blood.”

Lightbulb moment.

I’ve been totally convinced for the past 18 months that Fluoxetine makes my spasticity worse.  My GP thinks I might be right. (I changed antidpressants to Fluoxetine in Sept 2004, starting having hip problems caused by spasticity Dec 04 and went on Baclofen Feb 05.  Came off Fluoxetine March (?) 08 and my spasticity dropped so I came off Baclofen too. Went back on Fluoxetine March 09, back on Baclofen due to bad spastiticy July 09).

If the Terbinafine IS increasing the amount of it in my blood (as seems likely) then it must be playing a part in my spasticity levels being through the roof, either the drug itself of the increased fluoxetine levels it’s causing.

So the question of if I wanted to stay on Terbinafine was raised. I said yes, because I want this fungal infection to properly clear up and if she thought I’d benefit from more then I want to take it.  I’ve been wondering if that was the right decision ever since!

As to my spasticity, we can’t change my antidepressant easily.  I get too down and fluoxetine works so well for me that my Dr thinks it’s a bad idea.  Most other antidepressants work on the same hormones etc so would likely have the same affect. I did suggest a lower dose (as I’d been wondering how I’d do on that for a while before this visit) but apparently 20mg is the smallest they do so that’s out.  I also mentioned the antidepressant I took before, Lofepramine, which she said does work differently.

But the plan at the moment is for me to wait it out, see if it improves when the Terbinafine ends and keep tweaking my Baclofen dose based on my symptoms as I’ve been doing for years.  She asked how much I’m taking (30mg a day) and I was a little surprised she didn’t alter my criteria (between 20 – 40mg) but as I said to her I’m not convinced it’s working and what seems to keep happening is I’m fine on one amount, have to up it, am fine on that for a while then need to up it again.

That left me with a lot to think about and also the feeling “of why didn’t I figure out this was a med reaction myself?!”  Because she’s the Dr and I’m not, obviously.  But for some stupid reason I did feel like I should have.

CP also made today more complicated but I’ll skip most of the details and just share the bit I found funny.

I was asked to go to London to talk to someone about being disabled and travelling by train.  I arranged to meet them at Paddington.  And they were crap at assistance frankly.  That’s about par for the course with London train stations.  But what really made me laugh was this (but only cause it worked out).

They have a disabled loo in the reception.  And that’s also where you go to tell them you’re there for assisted travel.  So I went in and said “hi I’ve assistance booked to go to [place]” and the woman said “oh yes is it Miss Crees?”  and I said that yes I was and I was just gonna pop to the loo.

Next thing I know she’s on the phone and I hear her say “Hi [name] it’s London Paddington assisted travel we’ve got Miss Crees here for assistance, just wanted to confirm she was coming and check you were expecting her?” and I recognised the name but not from my station.  There was a pause “oh you’re not expecting her?”  Longer pause “oh yes, actually you’re right she is travelling to [place] and not Oxford”  She then rang where I was going.

I came out of the loo quietly amused.  The only thing she said?  “I’ve told [place] you’re coming”

But it’s a really good job she messed up and not only told a station I go to but a member of staff who recognised my name and knows where I live otherwise they’d have assumed she was right (travel bookings only go to the stations involved) and things would have gone wrong.

>Six Things For A Sunday

>I’m currently involved in two different resident involvement projects for my housing.  They seem like they are going to be good fun but possibly bad for my diet. At the workshop yesterday they got us a chip shop lunch (sausage and chips, twas yummy) and I hear that we’re having pizza at the next one.  Plus I get supermarket vouchers for them so I have some mad money to spend. I bought a cheap DVD with some of it (and used the rest of the vouchers to do my food shopping, I’ll spend the worth on something else though) but I’m not sure what I’ll spend the rest on yet.  I call it mad money because it’s unexpected and so it’s to be used for fun things and only fun things I have decided.

Overwhelmed with books. Seriously overwhelmed.  Particularly library books.  They charge for reservations (which I don’t agree with so I was refusing to reserve stuff and not always finding stuff I wanted as a result) but I found out that they don’t charge disabled people for them. So I reserved a shedload and I’ve been going back and forward a lot collecting them.  Thankfully the library is opposite CAB so it’s relatively easy.  Currently I have 13 library books and 2 dvds out. and I’ve taken 4 books and 2 dvds back, I think.

Legs are very tight at the moment which I don’t really understand because I AM taking my baclofen. Possibly because I haven’t been moving around very much lately.

Sailing starts again soon which I’m looking forward to.  We had a pre season supper (more commonly referred to as the “coming out” supper which makes me giggle even though it probably shouldn’t) on Friday which was fun.  Bizarrely I saw one of my buddies (probably the one I’m closest too) for the first time in absolute months there then bumped into her and her son the next day outside the supermarket.

I have signed up to take part in Script Frenzy starting in April.  Partially because I suck at doing the whole “show don’t tell” thing that makes good writing and aren’t great with dialogue.  And writing a script would force me to do both of those things.  But also because I want to start working on the goal on my 101 in 1001 list that’s about writing 1000 words a day (non blog) for three months and figured a challenge like this would be good motivation to get started. Plus, that means the three months includes June so I should also do SoCNoC (NaNo in June thing) which is also on my 101 in 1001 list meaning two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Come Dine With Me tonight was a bit crap which is disappointing.  It does seem to be going down hill. But there was a woman with an artificial arm. I wasn’t a particular fan of any of them on there tonight. However I did like the way she said that she told the camera crew that she didn’t tell people that she’d been born without it but that “Daddy had cut it off.” yay crip humour. Bad crip humour in my opinion but crip humour is a definite yay. Plus she was filmed not wearing her artificial arm whilst cooking for her night and when talking to the others at dinner she alluded to how that had made her feel, having loads of people in and out whilst she didn’t have it on.  Possibly not the most disability positive person or show but she impressed me and the way it wasn’t made a big deal of or used to define her was good I thought.