>I am/am not

>Things I am:

  • A hairdye freak
  • A fanfic addict
  • A hardcore blogger
  • A verocious reader
  • A music lover
  • A chocolate lover
  • Brandy and coke drinker
  • At this current moment in time, drunk oh so drunk
  • A real little water baby
  • A CAB adviser
  • and a writer.

Things I Am Not:

  • A timid shy girl
  • Tactful
  • A mouse
  • Particularly happy
  • A freaking sideshow exhibit in the fucking circus.
  • Tidy
  • A healthy eater

Dear Boys who live up the road from me and asked me incessant questions as I came home from the shop,I hope now we have covered the above list you will know a bit more about me. I hate answering the questions adults ask about my disability because they tend to be rude and they should know better. I do tend to answer when kids like yourselves ask me because awareness and education are important and it tends to be simple questions. So I answered your questions.

But, as I’m sure you realised, by the end of our conversation I was really hacked off with you. Granted, I have had a right skinful and that’s part of it. But to ask me if I can walk is cool. To then ask about five times if I will walk for you to see is soooooo not cool.

I said no and I meant it. I know my snapping at you that I’m not part of a sideshow in the circus boggled your tiny little minds a bit but heh, deal with it.

Emma (sorry, no kisses either)

>Blogging Against Disablism Day

>(crossposted to both LiveCP’s blog and Postcards From Holland)

Monday is the first Blogging Against Disablism Day

Blogging Against Disablism Day

Click on the image for more details. Or read this post* of Lady Bracknell’s or In The Deep, which is something I posted to my blog earlier in the week to read just why it is important that we do this.

I’ve been meaning to post about this for a few days but never got round to it. Then earlier tonight I found a quote which I thik says it all:

“Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world.
Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves.
All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.”
-George Bernard Shaw

It’s time we stopped putting up with acts that have an adverse affect on our lives and being treated like second class citizens. And as the quote says – the only way we can overcome disablism is by refusing to put up and shut up any longer. It’s time to become what some people may consider “unreasonable” and fight for our rights.

May 1st. I’ll be doing my bit. Will you?

*Prior to reading that article last weekend I had never heard the one in seven statistic however since then I’ve encountered it in more then one place. Including learning at Naidex that the RNID (Royal National Institute for the Deaf) publish a magazine called One in Seven.

>Random Bullets for a Saturday Night

>My sister passed her driving test on Tuesday (first time!).  I’ve been out in her car with her three times now – I love to go for a drive and it reminds me of just how pretty the villages around where we live are.  I don’t see them often travelling by train or when we go to my Gran’s as we go down the dual carriageway.

Driving listening to Madness “Driving in my car” is especially fun.

We went to Tescos last night and came back with irrefutible proof that I am in fact, adult now.  We went down the cleaning products aisle  and Soph said to me that I didn’t need any as I’d got some last time.  My response?  “yeah, but I really want to get some of that cillit bang stuff to try.”  That was rather worrying.  So I didn’t buy any in the hopes I could remain unadult for that little bit longer.
I’ve got two more ticked of on my 101 in 1001 list – take more photos and buy myself a bunch of flowers (I treated myself to two bunches for good measure).

Soph decided that we both rock.  Her because she put petrol in her car (I went for moral support) and me because when we had our indoor picnic earlier I sat on the blanket on the floor completely unsupported for at least 30 mins without losing my balance.  To say I was shocked at being able to do that would be an understatement.

My quotes page has been updated, I put the new ones at the top for ease of reading.

I’m feeling really worried about going to Madrid now.

>The Man In The Glass


When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
and see what the man has to say.

For it isn’t your Father or Mother or Wife
Who judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back in the glass.

Some people may think you a straight – shootin chum,
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass say’s you’re only a bum,
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s a fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you cheated the man in the glass.

~Author Unknown

I wish I could say I wrote this and even more then that I wish I knew who did write this so I could read more of their work. There is a lot about this poem that I could say about why I like it and such. But I think this is something that if you’re going to understand the meaning I find in it you already can just from reading it.

But read the poem, and think about it. The message it contains was something I already knew. But it was a reminder to me and one that came at a time when I needed it.

>Questions of varying varieties

>Questions – discuss in comments

Do you think that if you experience an “ism” such as ageism, sexism, racism, disablism etc but do nothing about it other than getting mad/upset about you should/you do become as bad as those who commit the “ism” because by passively allowing them to continue you condone their behaviour?

Which is funnier, a friend of a friend coming up to me on the boat this afternoon to ask if I wanted to go for a “wee wee” or someone else pointing to a memorial headstone in a shop we were outside this evening and announcing out of the blue that he wants that very headstone?

I’m listening to a song at the moment that includes the lyric I know in life there’s a deeper meaning. Do you agree or disagree with that statement and why?

Finally, we drove past trafalger square this morning. Just what is the point of the statute of a pregnant Alison Lapper that is there? Is there even a point to it?

>Early Bird!

>I’m headed to Greenwich (London, home of gmt) in mere minutes but I have time to kill and left my computer on overnight so the media player alarm clock could wake me…

It’s strange to be up this early (I woke at 5/45, got up at 6) but it’s also nice to be awake so early and have soooo much of the day infront of me. to not feel like i’ve slept later then most people and slept half tha day away is strange. Also I can watch out the window and see others starting there day, looking out the window to see what the day will bring and driving off to work.

I like it… but I don’t know if i would get up this early normally!


>You know the really cool almost perfect for me opportunity that I mentioned in this entry?

Well, I just got an e-mail about it. And it’s happening.

My contribution won’t be exactly what they asked for because the constraints of the project and what I can offer them don’t mesh completely. But the person in charge of it put in her e-mail that she feels that what I can offer is both “interesting and relevant” and so I still get to take part! It really is as perfect for me as it could be given that I knew when I offered to contribute that I wasn’t what they wanted exactly.

(yes I know this entry is cagey, deal with it)

Basically in 2004 I wrote an article/profile piece on myself and my experiences as a disabled person at university. This was published by Skill and then reprinted last year by Full On magazine. A couple of weeks ago my contact at Skill got in touch and said she’d been contacted to see if she knew of anyone who would be willing to be a case study of disabled people’s experiences with job hunting/starting work.

I e-mailed her and said this is my situation blah blah blah I know this isn’t quite what is wanted/needed but I would be willing to contribute. And she forwarded my info/details to the editor of this new project.

I’ve been asked to provide some quotes of why I chose voluntary work and what I like about it as well as a brief biography of myself!!!!!!

It may not be a full article but it still is a great opportunity for raising awareness and furthering my cause. I’m really pleased.


>Random Facts.

>I just felt like writing a post with a few facts about me… don’t know why, just did.

My first ever wheelchair was a bog standard nhs one… then I got a Remploy Roller. I used various versions of that chair until I was 18 (9 years?)

My first ever crush was on Wil Wheaton.

It appears that I know a lot of guys called Rob.

Before I was nine I didn’t have a wheelchair I used a Maclaren Major Buggy instead. I hated it.

I have two friends called Sarah who are both with guys called Simon. It gets confusing.

I know lots of people called Sarah/Sara that gets confusing too.

I can’t get enough diet coke.

Or galaxy chocolate.

One of my favourite authors is Peter David.

I love that several famous people I admire also have blogs.

My hair is a red/black colour at the moment.

I can’t decide how much money to take to Madrid.

I am easily annoyed.

I am chaotic.

Naidex is tomorrow!!!

I am going to Grenwich on Thursday.

I have an inherent dislike of people as a whole.

I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am undergoing a change or a metamorphosis.

I need to stop fighting that and go with the flow.

I have a deliciously devious idea for my sisters birthday.

>Monday Memories: Did I Ever Tell You About The Last Time I Went A Whole Day With NO Pain?


This Monday Memory is bought to you by the fact that I’m pretty pissed off at the moment


Did I Ever Tell You About The Last Time I Went A Whole Day With NO Pain?

No? Well that doesn’t surprise me being as it’s only a vague memory for me… I was about 14 at the time (now 24) and to be honest I can’t really remember not having pain… I can remember roughly when my pain started and I can remember all the various half arsed explanations for why I have pain but I can’t really remember not being in pain.

My pain started in my back and at the moment my back is really hurting me. But you know what, it hurts me everyday. when I mention that it’s really hurting me I mean it’s hurting me more than it usually does. Sometimes I barely notice my pain because I’m so used to it. My normal includes pain. My doctors can’t decide why this is but basically the key point in all their stupid explanations is it’s a CP related thing.
My shoulders ache at times – thats what being in a manual wheelchair does for you and chances are it;s only going to get worse. But that’s sure as hell better than the alternative.

I have hip pain (pretty severe at times) in the hip of my “good leg” caused my doctors believe because due to how spastic my left leg (bad leg) is my right leg (better leg – i have cp in both but less so in this one) takes all the strain when I stand/walk/transfer and to put it in the best medical term I can with my limited knowledge – after 24 years of that it’s fucked.

Some people have tried to convince me that because I realise my situation may get worse i’m setting myself up and it will get worse. Others tell me that they think I take too much medication and this is part of my problem with pain.

Until I began to have issues with my hip about 16 months ago the only medication I took was my antidepressant. Now I take a muscle relaxant (baclofen) which helps me a lot with my spasticity and reduces my pain. I take a regular dose and also a little as prn if I’m feeling particularly spastic that day. I also take co-codamol 8/500mg on a prn basis when my pain is at its worst. That was a new thing with my hip too.

I haven’t taken any painkillers for a long time tho… I use repositioning, hot water, and heat packs whenever possible to deal with my pain and save the co-codamol for when things are bad or when I’m in situaitons where I can’t reposition etc.

I push past my pain as much as I can. Today it is ruling the day but that was MY choice. Tomorrow is Naidex – a once a year thing I’m really looking forward to. So I chose to stay home and spend as much time as possible out of my chair etc in the hopes I can prevent it being bad tomorrow.

I might be in pain but I do not need your pity. I can’t remember being pain free sure but I can function despite it and my life is good. I am very very blessed that I am not in more pain and I give thanks for that everyday. But I just wish more people could have the awareness of how lucky they are.

Links to other participants (monday memories only please!)