>My fat story

>A few facts and figures about this year:

Currently I am reading my 39th book of the year. I’m really beginning to think that I will completely the 100 Books Club challenge.

My holiday is a little more than a month away! I’m a little nervous because so much of it pushes me outside of my comfort zone – far outside in some cases. But I look forward to the challenge and think I need to push myself more as part of the journey my life seems to be taking this year.

I have NOT missed any medication this year. I think my med regime needs a bit of a shake up as my depression feels a lot worse since I found out about my care being stopped, but hey I’m still taking the damn pills.

On Feb 21st 2007 I weighed 14st 9lb or 205lb. My BMI was 35.2 and I was classed as obese.
Last Monday, 7th May 2007 I weighed 13st 7lb or 189lb. I am 16lb lighter. My BMI is 32.4 and I’m still obese but a lot closer to being “just” overweight.

I can’t “see” the weight loss though, I still look in the mirror and go “oh my god I haven’t got a neck it’s all fat.” I know it’s not and people tell me it’s not. I can feel some more obvious definition in my neck and other areas – but I can’t see them. That’s something I need to work on.

I want to lose more weight. I need to lose more weight. But I’ve lost weight and regained it about three times now. I’ve fought my medication issues and called them beaten before only to find they weren’t and I stopped taking them again. Since I accepted that I would have issues taking the pills always and I would need to work at taking them I’ve been managing it. Because I’ve learnt that it’s a fight I can never let my guard down with. So this time, I’m applying the same logic to weight loss. it’s more about permanent changes rather than the end result.

For the last ten years or so I’ve been a fat girl. I wasn’t before that and I wasn’t really this big before three years ago. I might lose the weight and I hope I will – but I’ve decided that I’ll always be the fat girl deep inside because if I ever lose sight of her the weight will more than likely slip back on. But hopefully she’ll be hidden away where no one but me can see her.

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I’m taking part in this challenge for some inspiration – if I lost the 2lb a week they suggest by the end date I would be at my goal.

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