>How am I really?

>Last week I had another attempt at this putting myself first lark and shared with a couple of people that I was sorry but I couldn’t provide the support they were looking to me for as I’m so busy and have a lot going on.

The automatic assumption to this seemed to be that this was a very bad thing and a couple responded along the lines of “sorry you’ve still being dumped on hope it resolves”. That’s the wrong assumption however and I don’t know where it’s come from. I am very busy and whilst it’s true that my mental health is at a bit of a low ebb having taken a hit from the treatment I had for my CP in the summer I’m liking being busy.

I’m doing my usual CAB stuff, and writing book reviews. Plus a friend and I are now jointly running our local nanowrimo/writers group. On top of that I’m trying to make several crafty gifts (so far unsuccessfully) and helping to organise a conference for International Day of Disabled People in December. And I’m writing when I have time.

All of those projects are very interesting and enjoyable in their own way. They also come with various frustrations, most of which I hadn’t anticipated. It’s good though and I feel like I’m learning stuff and making a difference. Add it slightly frazzled mental health and it’s clear I’m being pushed more than is comfortable but I’m bending and not breaking. At times it’s felt like much more and I’ll snap but not right now.

I’ve had both Dr and Nurse appts in the last two days and have talked depression with both (I’d specifically gone to the dr for that but had gone to talk weight with the nurse) That was very useful (although slightly surreal in that when the Dr heard I blog he googled it and started reading it) especially the nurse as she’s known me for years and was able to point out how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved.

So, how am I? Really?

Tired after three long days. Really busy doing interesting things that at times annoy the hell out of me. Learning lots and occasionally meeting new people. Fine when I’m out but majorly lacking in motivation at home. Down but sane according to the GP, just in need of some new coping strategies (for which I’m getting plugged back into somethings which helped previously). Too hard on myself. On the whole it’s been a small struggle but there are good things in there and I’m finding moments that make me laugh and smile more than I’m finding ones that make me cry.

So, how am I? Really?

Fine, ok, not too bad, getting there. That sort of thing.

Or I will be soon

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