You Know You’ve Got CP When…

…it takes more than 10 years to find a way of you accessing wheelchair accessible scales.

… four months to get an appt after you hear about the service and start trying to get referred (which only took about three weeks)

…and less than 15 minutes for them to set up the scales, weigh you, weigh your wheelchair without you in it and pack up again.

After all that time and fight and failed attempts, it was a little bit of an anticlimax!

>Diet Starts Tomorrow!

>Literally this time.  I’m getting serious about my weight loss again and it all starts tomorrow.  Having tried a few weeks ago, lost 6lb in the first two weeks then regained 4 of those in the third and then gone off track majorly I’m making some commitments to myself and I’m blogging them here:

Until 1st August at the earliest I will

do some form of exercise everyday
Drink a litre and a half of water a day
take my meds and supplements daily (Meds I’ve had down for well over a year, supplements not quite)

And I won’t have
pizza (with the planned exception of a trip out with friends which if it comes off will involve lunch at Pizza Hut)
anything from the chip shop
sausage and bacon baguettes from my grabbed from my favourite sandwich shop on my way home (or from anywhere else)

In order to help myself stay on track, I’m going to keep a journal of everything I eat and drink and what exercise I do.  And in order to stay extra accountable I’m going to blog it.  But so as not to annoy everyone who reads here I’ve set up a new blog:  Emma Eating

>In Short

>Since probably September last year I’ve been a bit stuck with my weight loss before that I was on a pretty steady downward trend.  Up a few pounds. Down a few pounds.  Up a few more, down a few more.  I think the correct term is Yo Yoing.  But the one thing that’s kept me going and that I’ve been really proud of is that once I got below the 18 stone mark I never went back above it.  My visit to the 16 stone area was very fleeting, 17 stone and I were getting to know each other better than I would have liked but 18 stone and I had broken up for good.

Until today.
I weighed 18 stone 1lb this morning.
And… I finished antibiotics for my UTI on Saturday.  Only to have a sore on my leg I was keeping my eye on go really manky.  I went to the nurse and she assures me it’s not a pressure, it’s not going to turn into a pressure sore and it’s not on a pressure area.  But it is infected.  So that was me straight back on antibiotics for another week.  On top of the prophylactic ones I’m taking for a UTI.  Add in the fact that I feel like I’ve either suddenly developed hayfever or I’m getting a cold and it can safely be said I’m very run down.
Things have got to change

>A Fresh Start

>On 22nd February 2010 I started trying to lose weight.  1st May 2010 I gave up coca-cola and all products containing chocolate.  That’s when my weight loss really kick started.  September time I hit a bit of a plateau and was losing a few pounds, gaining them back.  And towards the end of November (almost 7 months later) I started eating chocolate and drinking coke again.  There have been a few days since then when I haven’t eaten chocolate but not any where I’ve not drunk coke.

Until today.  I’ve gone coke and chocolate free again as of today.

My weight is up, I’m 17 stone 12.  Which given that today is the day after a weekend away of eating out each night and is the same as my weight on Thursday (my usual weigh day but I wanted to weigh today as well as it’s a starting point) is pretty good.  Given that I was pretty consistently around the 17 stone 4 mark before this, not so much but I’m not beating myself up over it.  I don’t see the point.

My starting weight on Feb 22nd 2010 was 18 stone 13 1/2 so I’ve still lost and maintained a one stone weight loss over the last year.  I don’t have a set goal weight and never did.  I don’t want to be thin, I want to be healthier.

It’s definitely time to start moving back in the right direction though and I’m glad I’m doing it again at last.

>Reverb 10 – Wisdom

>I know I’m late to this but I only found out about it yesterday.  I’ve just signed up to Reverb 10.  I may very well go back and touch on some of the previous prompts as a couple of them are very interesting to me. But I’ll have to see how things go time wise.

Today’s prompt is Wisdom.  What was the wisest decision you made this year and how did that pan out for you?

My first thought was that I needed to put my (not really blogged about) decision to try and take better care of myself down as the wisest decision I made this year.  But then I stopped for a minute and thought about it more. That’s not the best or wisest decision I made this year.

In May I gave up Coke and Chocolate.  I was totally addicted to the both of them, drinking roughly a litre of “normal” coke each day and eating at least 100g of chocolate.  Originally that was supposed to be for three weeks, to prove that I could.  Three weeks was a random period of time that I picked in 2008 when I set that as a goal on my current 101 in 1001 list.  I was determined that was one of the goals I was definitely going to achieve.

And after the three weeks I didn’t go back to the coke or to the chocolate.  In fact I didn’t have any again until about ten days ago, over six and a half months later.

Another of my goals was six months of no missed medication.  I’ve not missed any for 10 months now.  I’m taking better care of myself in other ways, realising my limits more and trying to be more OK with who I am and what I’m doing.  I’m achieving goals and forgiving myself and being realistic when I can’t or don’t manage others.

I’ve lost a lot of weight, I feel better in many ways and my depression is more stable then it’s been in a long time.  I really struggle at this time of year usually and I’m struggling now – just not as much as before.  I’m not as stressed or worried about Christmas as I might previously have been.  Most importantly I feel like I’m clearer on what my goals are and how I’m going to reach them.

Taking better care of myself, loving myself I suppose you could say, is definitely one of the best decisions I made this year.  But when I look at it, it all traces back to that small first step of giving up the coke and the chocolate – I didn’t expect it to have such an impact on my mentally as well as physically.  And I’m not sure I could have made the decisions that I need to take better care of myself if I’d not made that decision first.

>Almost… but not quite

>I almost managed to keep my for one week only promise and replace that 2 stone gone badge with the 30lb badge… but not quite.  I needed to lose one pound for that to happen.  And I lost three quarters of a pound.  Which I’m still really really happy about.  Next week I hope to switch over the badges in my sidebar but we’ll all (including me) have to wait and see.  My mum said that I did especially well because I ate a lot of sausages when we had hot dogs and jacket potatoes on Bonfire Night (and leftovers the next day).  Personally I didn’t think I ate that many and anyway as I keep trying to tell her I think the odd meal here and there doesn’t matter.  I need to still have what I like and treats because this has to be for life.  I just need to do it in moderation.

The obvious exception to that is the coke and chocolate which I’ve now not had for six months and 9 days (today is the 9th, right?).  I realise that’s different to what I’ve been preaching here but I had real physical addictions to them and I’d tried making them occasional but couldn’t do it.  If I didn’t drink coke for a day or didn’t have enough coke I’d get major headaches – as soon as I got a headache I’d think “I need to drink some coke to clear that up” (and still now six months later when I get headachy a little voice in the back of my head goes “not enough caffeine?” even though I know damn well that I’m not longer physically hooked on coke and I don’t drink tea or coffee so it definitely can’t be!). And if I didn’t eat chocolate I’d get ratty and stressy.

I’ve known for a long time that I had an addiction to those foods and I have no problem saying that.  But suddenly last night it occurred to me that it makes me a food addict.  And I don’t know why but that’s a whole different ball game to me.  Particularly reading Cheryl’s post this morning.  I need to work on that.  First however I need to think about it some more and become ok with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come a long way and I know I have.  I’ve beaten those addictions and I don’t binge eat any more (or at least not like I used to and I don’t remember the last time I did a full blown binge).  I’m really proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved.  I’m just realising how much further I’ve got to go.

>Bits of News

>I haven’t updated about my attempts at weight loss for a couple of weeks so I’ll start with that and then see how much further I get before my desire to be in bed relatively soon wins.

Last week my mum was away so I weighed by myself.  I struggled a lot to balance on the scales and suspect the same would have been true even if she were here.  I gave up on Tuesday after 5 attempts which all ended up with ridiculously different weights.  Wednesday I tried again and managed better.  I was 17st 2lb which was 1.5lb up.

Today my mum was back and I was 17st 3lb so up another 1lb.  My balance was pretty good today.  I always stand on the scales three times because of poor balance, needing to hold a grab rail to get on the scales etc and wanting to be sure it’s right and every single time it said the same weight which is the first time it’s done that in a long time.

I think it’s definitely got to be said that I’m plateauing.  Which is fine in a way but only as long as it goes no further then I have now.  I am getting sick of this constant back and forth I’ve been doing for the last few weeks so I’ve decided to take it right back to basics this week.  Hopefully that will get things moving again.  I’d started thinking of drinking mostly water as being boring again but starting today I’m drinking that more than anything else and I must say I’d forgotten how nice that can be.

My writing continues to go well as my last update shows (I think!).  When my creative writing restarted a few weeks ago (this week will be week 4) we had to give a short term and a long term writing goal.  Short term was for the length of the course and long term the next year or so.  We told those to the person next to us and they introduced us to the class.  I can’t remember my long term goal and the person I was sat next to wasn’t there last week to ask.  But my short term goal was to get an article published.  It was a pretty amazing feeling sat there last Thursday realising that it was only week three and I’d already achieved that goal.  I absolutely cannot wait for the magazine to come out and to see it.

I’m reading a library book at the moment and then the next one I’ve got is one I was sent to review.  It’s an advance reader copy of a new paranormal romance which is coming out in November I think.  That will be something very different for me, paranormal romance is a genre I’ve avoided ever since I tried to read Twilight (which I hated and gave up on after two chapters).  It’s very much not something I would have chosen for myself but I’ll give it a go – after all I have been trying to broaden my horizons over the last few months (some what unsuccessfully it feels like).


>Good: Writing a To Do List of writing tasks
Bad: Realising I have more writing tasks to do then I thought I did

Good: Getting three things done off the to do list
Bad: Showing the list to Mum and having her point out I missed something off of it

Good: having a clean house
Bad: cleaner (male) calling me love and “my love” so many times I lost track

Good: No one has cancelled sailing for tonight
Bad: High probability of getting there to discover it’s off

Good: Starting a lovely new knitting piece
Bad: Not being quite sure if you’ve gone wrong with said knitting and if you have, where you did.

Good: Weight this morning was 17st and half a pound
Bad: Can’t find the piece of paper so I can’t work out the difference from last week

Good: Squashed fly biscuits and diet lemonade
Bad: nothing really

>In The Right Direction

>I’m down roughly a pound and a half this week (from 17 4lb & 7/8ths to 17 3lb &1/4th and I can’t do that kind of exact maths).

And I just got back (ok, well an hour and a half ago) from swimming.

Must admit that I’m feeling a little fed up with this now, need to make some really progress again and stop hovering.

>The Obligatory Tuesday Update On: MY WEIGHT

>I am a little disappointed this week although I’m trying not to be.  I’m up 2lb.

It’s probably because I’ve got my period (which given that all the problems I’ve been having with that are likely weight related is a good thing) and I just keep reminding myself about that.

I have exercised every single day this week.  Mostly using My Fitness Coach Dance Workout but I’ve also been swimming once and as I mentioned yesterday I did what is for me a lot of walking on Saturday.

Here’s to some downward movement on the scales next week!